Mr. Brown: I keep seeing spots before my eyes.
Mr. Green: Have you ever seen a doctor?
Mr. Brown: No, only spots.
--------------------
A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Hoax Photo Database - Link
This photo, which has been circulating on the web, looks pretty improbable. Is it real or Memorex (sorry - old expression) - errr - Photoshopped? The Hoax Photo Database tries to work it all out for you - along with the stories of dozens of other photos.
Check it out - Link
Some Great Photography - Slide Show
Unfortunately these aren't mine - I've just grabbed them off of the web.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Hey Jude - Chipmunk Style - Video
Before he played Dr. House on American TV, Hugh Laurie was in a comedy duo known as Fry and Laurie. Here they are doing a musical video.
More Punny Jokes
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
--------------------
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
--------------------
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins - if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
--------------------
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
--------------------
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins - if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Indian Superman and Indian Spidergirl - Video
These music videos from India have such poor production standards compared with the U.S. that it becomes really "camp," to use a term from the 1960's. Enjoy.
Fox News Product Placement - Link
Since so many people are Ti-Voing and DVRing TV shows these days, then fast-forwarding through the commercials, more and more networks are trying to use "product placement" to get their goods on the air. I'm just not ready for it on the news channels yet...
Fox TV news anchors enjoy plastic coffee
From Boing-Boing - click the link to read more...
"Build Me Up, Buttercup" on Ukulele - Video
Some friends have some fun - and the lead singer has a pretty good voice and an infectious smile.
Local Artisits - Link
I ran across this blog one day that features artists and musicians from my neck of the woods - central New York (Syracuse area).
Afro Ninja - Video
Another video in the series of not-so-bright humans who want to see how badfly they can injure themselves.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Punny Jokes
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "
But why?," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
--------------------
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
But why?," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
--------------------
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
Ultimate Flips - Video
Guys jumping and flipping all over the place. I can barely walk across a room with a flat floor, so this impresses me. The only question I have to ask myself is - why?
Ultimate Flips!!! - The most amazing home videos are here
Ultimate Flips!!! - The most amazing home videos are here
Fish Hat - Link
I found this fish hat online and thought it was pretty interesting. If your kids really enjoyed Finding Nemo, they might enjoy the hat. It doesn't say if the hat can swim or not, but it does indicate that it can also be used as a puppet. Only $21.95.
Video - Motorcycle Rider
This guy loses his bike in a race - but finds it again in time to rejoin the fun.
http://view.break.com/505730 - Watch more free videos
http://view.break.com/505730 - Watch more free videos
Funny Photos - The Strange Race of Humans
We humans are a strange animal. We boast the greatest intelligence of all species on the earth - and we often do some of the stupidest things to ourselves...
Friday, July 25, 2008
Family Not Allowed to Fly
Southwest airlines detained a family (Mom and 4 kids) and refused to let them board their connecting flight home, thus detainining them miles from home. What do you think?
Man Saves Drowning Bear - Link
The J-Walk Blog reports on this strange story. Seems to me that the guy is lucky to still be alive. The link is below.
10 Most Worthless College Majors - Link
From Holy Taco, the 10 most worthless college majors. You can read more about why each was selected on the original web site.
10. Art History
9. Philosophy
8. American Studies
7. Music Therapy
6. Communications
5. Dance
4. English Lit
3. Latin
2. Film
1. Religion
10. Art History
9. Philosophy
8. American Studies
7. Music Therapy
6. Communications
5. Dance
4. English Lit
3. Latin
2. Film
1. Religion
13 Truly Unlucky Celebrities - Link
As determined by Yahoo, here are the stories of 13 very unlucky celebrities. First a sample, then the link...
Link
13. BRANDON DE WILDE, Actor.1942 - 1972. Cause of death: Motorbike Accident, age 30.These days most people remember Brandon as the hopeful yet thoroughly annoying Joey from the Alan Ladd classic SHANE. But in his day, Brandon was an up-and-coming star of screen and stage. He made his Broadway debut at only 7 years old, participating in 492 performances of hit show "The Member of the Wedding." He was Oscar nominated at age 11 for SHANE (1953), and went on to feature in HUD (1963), In HARM'S WAY (1965), and other films, costarring with Paul Newman, Warren Beatty, John Wayne, Eva Marie Saint, and James Stewart. In July of 1972 Brandon was schedule to appear in the Leonard Gershe play "Butterflies Are Free" in Denver, Colorado. En route he swerved to avoid an accident, hit another vehicle, and wound up pinned under his motorcycle with massive injuries. He died shortly afterwards.
Link
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Joke - Punny Things
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict."
His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"
The waiter sings, "Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
--------------------
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
--------------------
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"
The waiter sings, "Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
--------------------
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
--------------------
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Video - Why Did I Get a Credit Card?
A parody of the TV ads for Free Credit Report.com. Some adult themes..
Link - Itty Bitty Kitty Committee
A blog with dozens - if not hundreds of cat photos - which you can purchase as cards. Link is below the photo.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Joke - Wife Is In Charge
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they had over their wives, while the third remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
Video - Wave Pool in Tokyo
It's hard to comprehend being this jammed in at a public amusement area. I think I'd save the money.
Funny Images
Fortune cookie fortune...
There is simply no explanation that would suffice...
There is simply no explanation that would suffice...
This is timely as they're running the bulls this week in Spain. Again - proof of just how stupid the average human being really is...
Oops - the truck had already pulled away from the platform...
The newest Bond villain...
Video - Pilot Stupidity
The pilot of a helicopter finds out that no good deed goes unpunished - and further proves just how stupid the average human being really is.
Link - How I Spent My Stimulus
There's a website out there where you can post a message as to how you spent your stimulus check from Uncle Sam. There are some cute stories posted - and a few sad ones as well. Here's a sample - the link is below the image.
Link
Link
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Pun Fun
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but then they lit a fire in the craft and it sank - proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Where's that Talent?
I've tried to watch "America's Got Talent" several times, but I just can't stand it. The video editing has to be just about the worst in the industry, so after an episode or two, I stop watching. The show CONSISTENTLY pans away from the performers to the audience, the judges, the moderator (now Jerry Springer). Especially with the visual performers (dancers, magicians, acrobats, etc.) you really don't get the gist of the act at all.
Below is a video from Britain's Got Talent of a couple of fun dancers - but I see that it's edited in exactly the same way. Check it out and see if I'm not right.
Below is a video from Britain's Got Talent of a couple of fun dancers - but I see that it's edited in exactly the same way. Check it out and see if I'm not right.
Link - Moon Explosions
What with President Bush wanting to get the U.S. back to the moon in the near future so that we can use it as a lunch pad for a trip to Mars, this is rather fascinating...
Read more - Link
Since 2005, NASA has observed 100 explosions on the surface of the Moon. The big booms, usually equivalent to a few hundred pounds of TNT, are caused by meteoroids smashing into the Moon's surface.
Read more - Link
Quiz: Match the Doctors With The Facts
Match the docotrs (top) with the facts (below). Answers are at the bottom...
a. Dr. Ruth
b. Dr. Phil
c. Dr. Drew
d. Dr. House (not the actor, the character)
e. Dr. Dre
f. Dr. Laura
a. Dr. Ruth
b. Dr. Phil
c. Dr. Drew
d. Dr. House (not the actor, the character)
e. Dr. Dre
f. Dr. Laura
1. Are actual M.D.s
2. Trained as a sniper in an underground Israeli military force.
3. In 2003 marketed a line of weight-loss products called Shape-Up which was promptly pulled when customers lost more money than
weight.
4. Trained as an opera singer.
5. Played middle-linebacker in college on a defense that gave up more than 100 points to the University of Houston.
6. Had his/her first child at the age of 17.
7. Did voice work for the cartoon comedies Family Guy, Robot Chicken and Crank Yankers.
8. Was a diver on the swim team in high school.
9. Sanctioned by a state board of examiners for having an inappropriate relationship with a patient.
10. Has been described as a "cross between Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse."
11. Called homosexuality "a biological error."
12. Had nude photos posted on the Internet in 1998.
13. Accused the wives of soldiers in Iraq of "bitching."
14. Spouse wrote a New York Times #1 best-seller.
15. Said "Seizures are cool to watch but boring to diagnose."
16. Had an asteroid named after him/her.
17. Taught kindergarten.
18. Was shot in 2006.
Answers:
1. Real M.D.s - (c)Drew and (d)House
2. Sniper - (a)Ruth
3. Shpe-Up - (b)Phil
4. Opera singer - (c)Drew
5. Linebacker - (b)Phil
6. Child at 17 - (e)Dre
7. Cartoon voices - (c)Drew
8. High school diver - (e)Dre
9. Sex with patient - (b)Phil
10. Minnie Mouse - (a)Ruth
11. Homosexuality slur - (f)Laura
12. Nude photos - (f)Laura
13. Bitchy wives - (f)Laura
14. Spousal author - (b)Phil
15. Sizures - (d)House
16. Asteroid - (d)House
17. Kindergarten - (a)Ruth
18. Shot - (d)House
*Source - Playboy, July, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Joke - At the Doctor's Office
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"
"Nine..."
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"
"Nine..."
