Wednesday, December 31, 2008
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Well, done. Now flush the urinal, wash your hands, go outside, and tee off.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I love this - I've already got a couple on order.
Nose Shower Gel Dispenser
The nose . . . blows! Just squeeze or press it and green shower gel oozes out of the right nostril. Gross and funny at the same time! Rubber nose attaches to flat surface with suction cups. Easy to fill; includes 5.3 oz. green shower gel and instructions. 9" high.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Here's the first bit...
Heather Mills has failed to hand over a multi-million pound charity donation.And then this...
The former model vowed to give "a large majority" of her £24.3 million divorce payment from Sir Paul McCartney to the Adopt-A-Minefield organisation, of which she is a patron, but charity sources claim they haven't received anything.
A source said: "They have waited in vain for their millions. She's had plenty of time, but sadly it's yet another untruth by the queen of lies."
Heather made the donation pledge in 2006 during divorce proceedings from the former Beatles star.
Heather Mills has spent almost half of her £24.3 million divorce settlement in just seven months.Isn't it fun to watch the morbidly wealthy struggle?
The 40-year-old former model received the enormous amount after her split from Sir Paul McCartney was finalised in March, and has reportedly since splashed out £10 million on properties and holidays and forked out £500,000 on staff wages.
Heather is so worried about her finances she has even asked Paul to buy her £4 million East Sussex home as she claims she cannot afford to renovate it.
A source said: "Heather has been moaning her money isn't going as far as she thought, but she's just burning her way through it. She reckons she has spent £10 million since the divorce and still doesn't have a finished house to live in."
This from Futility Closet...
I was first made aware of this post by the J-Walk Blog and John had this to say...
This one is preposterous, but I have two sources, so here goes.
In the 1870s, visitors to a remote New Mexico sheep ranch discovered the solitary rancher dead in his hut. His records showed that he had been dead two years, but his flocks had actually increased since his death. How was this possible?
His dog had been tending the flocks in his absence. The rancher had trained him to drive the flocks to their pasture in the morning, guard them all day, and return them to their fold at night, and he'd continued these duties when the rancher disappeared, killing some sheep as necessary for food but faithfully tending the rest.According to these reports, in 1879 the New Mexico legislature awarded the dog a pension for life as a reward for his fidelity, "and no doubt as an encouragement to all other shepherd dogs in that territory to be good and faithful."
P.S. The photo used in this post is a random dog-sheep image found in Google Images.
In an interview, the dog was asked how his life was during those two years. He replied, "ruff."
Sunday, December 28, 2008
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, " There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(you're gonna love this)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"Why, it's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I am not an artist nor do I have a creative cell in my body, but on the site I link to below, Daily Danny explains his clever idea for creating some fun designs from old crayons. All that's needed are an oven, some old crayon pieces, a baking pan and some cookie cutters.
I thought this was neat!
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them, you "pitch" them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess" o' any of them.
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Only a Southerner knows the general direction of, and the distance to, "yonder".
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Yes ma'am, we'll dispatch the ambulance to your house directly."
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be anywhere from 1 mile to 20 miles.
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Only a Southerner both knows and truly understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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Only a Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb -- and can instantly give you example sentences.
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And only a Southerner would find no irony in the fact that "y'all" is singular, and "all y'all" is plural.
Friday, December 26, 2008
This post references an interesting web site. For example, did you know...
John Pemberton, the Atlanta pharmacist that invented Coca Cola, claimed that the ingredient it was named after, the Coca leaf, cured everything from depression and nervousness to morphine addiction. If those purported effects sound familiar, congratulations, you could beat a chimpanzee in a game of memory. Coca is the leaf that produces cocaine, and like Freud, John Pemberton was incredibly enthusiastic about its "health benefits."
And there's a whole lot more about "Coke" and 4 other things on this site.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Nation's Women Thank Sports Illustrated For Helping Them Make Well-Informed Swimsuit Choices.Who would have guessed? Read the entire story by clicking here.
Note: The girl in the photo is just a random swimsuit model taken from Google images and does not represent anyone referenced in the Onion article.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It was Christmas week and the judge was in a good mood when he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping too early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge. "Just how early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."