Humor List - Malapropisms

Malapropisms: (Malapropisms are twists of the language that, somehow, make sense even though they are seemingly senseless. Does that make sense?)

-Include me out.

-Nowadays, every Tom, Dick, and Harry is named Mike.

-In two words, im possible.

-If people don't want to come to your party, nobody can stop them.

-This feels like deja vu all over again.

-That restaurant is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore.

-Either way, you win or lose.

-It ain't that I'm pessimistic; it's just that we ain't got a chance.

-For your information, I would like to ask a question.

-The future just ain't what it used to be.

-I feel a draft. Raise that window down.

-All right, I want you to listen very slowly. . . .

-A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.