Humor - Travel Tips

Travel Tips: Helpful Hints for the Inexperienced Traveler

• Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo."

• Consider carefully before visiting a country where the license plate motto is Die American Pig.

• Keep in mind that, in the Middle East, the phrase "half off" on a hotel room has nothing to do with price.

• There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

• If you find yourself in Iran, do not use the word towelhead.

• On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge you for an interpreter.

• In Denmark, those mannequins in storefront windows are not mannequins.

• While in the Vatican, do not refer to St. Peter as "Petey-Boy."

• Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.

• Avoid any Latin American Tour named Bay of Pigs, Two.

• In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.

• Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uni­forms.

• If you find yourself in South Africa - and you're black - skip your usual late-night jog.