Humor Time

Additions to the Lexicon

The Washington Post's "Mensa Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter to create a new word, and then to supply an appropriate definition for the new word. Here are some of the winners.

ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT: The frantic dance performed just after you have accidentally walked through a spider web.

BEELZEBUG: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

BOZONE: The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

CASHTRATION: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

CATERPALLOR: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you are eating.

DECAFALON: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly (usually after a few drinks).

FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very high.

GLIBIDO: All talk and no action.

HIPATITIIS: Terminal coolness.

INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.

KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease.

REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.