This video is not so outrageous to those of us who live in "snow belts." Watch here as the cars slip and slide, crashing into one another.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Joke - Redneck Directions
A car pulled out of the Mom and Pop filling station in West Virginia and headed north. The young driver waved goodbye to the friendly owners and yelled, "Thank you!"
Mom turned to her husband of 50 years and asked, "Pa, did you give good directions to that poor homesick girl who said she wanted to get back to Alabama in the worst way?"
"I sure did. Ma," he assured her. "I sent her five hundred miles through some cities and over treacherous mountain trails. It was the worst way to Alabama I could think of."
Mom turned to her husband of 50 years and asked, "Pa, did you give good directions to that poor homesick girl who said she wanted to get back to Alabama in the worst way?"
"I sure did. Ma," he assured her. "I sent her five hundred miles through some cities and over treacherous mountain trails. It was the worst way to Alabama I could think of."
Fun Photos - Children
"Taking a bite of his soft spot is a bit
like taking a bite out of an apple!"
"Dad, I'm not heavy, am I? Dad?
Can't you hear me?"
"Hey, Georgie, you smell!"
"No, Bobbie, you're the one that smells."
"Eddie, move over - you're crowding me!"
"Mom, what's for lunch today? Hunh?
I'm hungry - what's for lunch." Slurp.
This child is being raised on McDonalds food -
and he's slowly turning into a McGrill!
Video - Kitchen Symphony
Here's a fun video with a guy, playing a woman, playing musical noises. It's worth the time to watch.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Humor - Things to Ponder
TEN THINGS TO PONDER FOR 2007...
#10 Life is sexually transmitted.
#9 Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die
#8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
#7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
#6 Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???
#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007...
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
#10 Life is sexually transmitted.
#9 Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die
#8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
#7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
#6 Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???
#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007...
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
Joke - Irishman has Cancer
An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.
The doctor sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. You'd best put your affairs in order."
O'Malley was shocked, but being a solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room, where his son was waiting.
"Well, Son," O'Malley said, "We Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and some more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's friends who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
O'Malley told them they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers.
After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you told me that you were dying of cancer, but you just told your friends that you were dying of AIDS!"
"It's like this, m'boy," O'Malley said. "I don't want any of them bastards sleeping with your mother after I am gone."
The doctor sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. You'd best put your affairs in order."
O'Malley was shocked, but being a solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room, where his son was waiting.
"Well, Son," O'Malley said, "We Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and some more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's friends who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
O'Malley told them they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers.
After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you told me that you were dying of cancer, but you just told your friends that you were dying of AIDS!"
"It's like this, m'boy," O'Malley said. "I don't want any of them bastards sleeping with your mother after I am gone."
Joke - He's an Atheist!
A young lady came home from a date very upset. She told her mother that her boyfriend had proposed to her an hour ago. "Then why are you so upset?" asked her mother.
"He also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe that there is a hell."
Her mother told her to marry him anyway: "Between the two of us, we will show him how wrong he is."
"He also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe that there is a hell."
Her mother told her to marry him anyway: "Between the two of us, we will show him how wrong he is."
Video - Body Builder
Here's a pretty funny video of a British body builder - but is this a male or a female?
Friday, January 26, 2007
Joke - Girlie Magazine
There's a new girlie magazine for married men only.
The centerfold is the same girl, month after month after month after month. . . .
The centerfold is the same girl, month after month after month after month. . . .
Video - Bird Fun
Here's an interesting homemade video of a flock of starlings trying to all land in the same small tree.
Joke - Paternity
A middle-aged couple had two stunningly beautiful daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they'd always wanted.
After a few months of attempting to conceive, the wife became pregnant. She delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.
The joyful lather rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified to find the ugliest child he had ever laid eyes on.
He told his wife, "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered. There's no way that's my son. Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
After a few months of attempting to conceive, the wife became pregnant. She delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.
The joyful lather rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified to find the ugliest child he had ever laid eyes on.
He told his wife, "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered. There's no way that's my son. Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Joke - Art Thief
A thief broke into the Louvre and stole several famous paintings but was caught when authorities found his van by the side of the road.
"I don't believe it," the police captain said. "How could you plan such a bold robbery, then get caught so easily?"
"Simple," the robber answered. "I didn't have Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh."
"I don't believe it," the police captain said. "How could you plan such a bold robbery, then get caught so easily?"
"Simple," the robber answered. "I didn't have Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh."
Snoopy - Animated GIF
Animated GIF cartoon - if you don't see the animation on this page, click on the image and it should show up.
Humor - Casual Fridays
Tuesday, January 2
Memo No. 1:
Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.
Monday, January 8
Memo No. 2:
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Monday, January 15
Memo No. 3:
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Monday, January 22
Memo No. 4:
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Monday, January 29
Memo No. 5:
As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
Tuesday, January 30
Memo No. 6:
The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.
Monday, February 5
Memo No. 7:
Because of lack of participation, Casual Day has been discontinued, effective immediately.
Memo No. 1:
Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.
Monday, January 8
Memo No. 2:
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Monday, January 15
Memo No. 3:
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Monday, January 22
Memo No. 4:
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Monday, January 29
Memo No. 5:
As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
Tuesday, January 30
Memo No. 6:
The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.
Monday, February 5
Memo No. 7:
Because of lack of participation, Casual Day has been discontinued, effective immediately.
Video - Great Ventriloquist
Here's a clip from last summer's TV series "America's Got Talent." The guy in this video is really clever.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Joke - The Mink Contract
Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question: "Will you marry me, darling?"
Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you buy me a mink."
Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, deal, on one condition."
"What is that?" Lisa asked.
"You will have to clean the cage," replied Kurt.
Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you buy me a mink."
Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, deal, on one condition."
"What is that?" Lisa asked.
"You will have to clean the cage," replied Kurt.
Fun photos
The passing of President Ford shall be nothing to this great nation as is the death of all of this beer. Folks from coast to coast will mourn this tragedy. Men will stand over the broken cases and sing as they've never sung before. Now, lift your bottle and sing with me, "One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beer..."
Ah, yes, if Mr. Borglum had lived in this day and age, I'm sure that Mt. Rushmore would have been a little more detailed than it actually is. Do you suppose any of our former President's, carved here, actually lifted weights? Probably too busy building a nation.
Cute little fella. Somebody - keep Representative Foley at a distance!
Some days it's even too hot to get in the water. Global warming is sure having an impact on life on this planet. Could be that before long our chicken will be born fried!
They've got to learn somewhere. Makes sense that there's a school. Doesn't look like the enrollment standards are too high, though, does it?
Joke - Flying Lessons
A flight instructor tells of the student of his who was having real trouble landing the plane, and specifically judging how close he should be to the ground before pulling up the nose of the aircraft.
Strangely enough, during the first night lesson, the student landed perfectly. Each time, just as the flight instructor thought he would have to take over, the student would pull back on the stick and make a beautiful landing.
Curious, the instructor finally asked what visual reference the student was using. Explained the student: "I just aim straight for the end-of-the-runway lights. Then I wait. When you stiffen in your seat, I pull the plane up and land."
Strangely enough, during the first night lesson, the student landed perfectly. Each time, just as the flight instructor thought he would have to take over, the student would pull back on the stick and make a beautiful landing.
Curious, the instructor finally asked what visual reference the student was using. Explained the student: "I just aim straight for the end-of-the-runway lights. Then I wait. When you stiffen in your seat, I pull the plane up and land."
Video - Bergenbier Ad
Here's a funny ad - probably German - of a guy who's had a one-night stand and may live to regret it.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Humor - Random Thoughts
A Woman's Random Thoughts
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch... do it and die."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health -- my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
Fun Photos
The U.S. Air Force is experimenting with all sorts of new weapons. Here we show one of our fighter jets carrying one of the new weapons toward Baghdad. It's hoped that the new weapon will cause mass hysteria in the streets and cause Iraqis to forget all about fighting each other.
On those warm summer evenings, when the mosquitos are swarming all around your head, you wait for the moment - and then it happens...
The perfect gift for the lady in your life, lemon scented motor oil.
Humor - Printed Messages
One of the cheapest hoots that a person can get is to read Cards in a card store.
Second to that is the catalog from "What on Earth"
Tee shirts:
Shut up Voices or I'll poke you with a q-tip again.
I just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Did I miss anything?
For the school teacher - Books is good
My inner child thinks your a big poopy face.
For Latin scholars - Et Tu Dufus?
I'm confused
Wait
Maybe I'm not
So what part of Quantum Physics don't you understand.
For me - They say I have ADD but they just don't understand Oh look a chicken
For all of us - We're retired Your not! Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah
You're not what they call book smart are you?
Apron:
Don't make me poison your dinner
Door mat :
Don't make me come out there
---Signed the dog
Second to that is the catalog from "What on Earth"
Tee shirts:
Shut up Voices or I'll poke you with a q-tip again.
I just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Did I miss anything?
For the school teacher - Books is good
My inner child thinks your a big poopy face.
For Latin scholars - Et Tu Dufus?
I'm confused
Wait
Maybe I'm not
So what part of Quantum Physics don't you understand.
For me - They say I have ADD but they just don't understand Oh look a chicken
For all of us - We're retired Your not! Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah
You're not what they call book smart are you?
Apron:
Don't make me poison your dinner
Door mat :
Don't make me come out there
---Signed the dog
Joke - University Wishes
Three university wishes
Three students, one each from Tennessee, Alabama, and Auburn, are out walking together one day. They come across a lamp and (you know how this goes!) the genie gives them each one wish.
The Tennessee student says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Tennessee." With a blink of the genie's eye, the land in Tennessee was forever made fertile for farming.
The Auburn student wishes next: "I want a wall around the University of Auburn, so that nobody from out of state can come into our precious school." Again, with the blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around Auburn.
The Alabama student says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The genie explains, "Well, it is about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, and completely surrounds the University of Auburn. Nothing can get in or out."
The Alabama student says, "Fill it with water."
Video - The Beer Stand
A video from the old Comedy Central "Man Show," a young boy sells beer and insults people on the street.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Joke - Custody Case
It was a tiny mountain in a remote section of West Virginia, and its first ever divorce came to the county courthouse. Custody of the children was the problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The husband also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The husband also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
Joke - Preachers Compare
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear".
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear".
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Joke - Art Thief
A thief broke into the Louvre and stole several famous paintings but was caught when authorities found his van by the side of the road.
"I don't believe it," the police captain said. "How could you plan such a bold robbery, then get caught so easily?"
"Simple," the robber answered. "I didn't have Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh."
"I don't believe it," the police captain said. "How could you plan such a bold robbery, then get caught so easily?"
"Simple," the robber answered. "I didn't have Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh."
Video: Street Entertainer
This is a video of the David Letterman Show - David has some video of Lindsay Lohan driving to alcohol rehab. Funny.
Joke - Made in Mexico
In an attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup, a gynecologist decided to strike up a casual conversation. He noticed the label on her sandals read, "Hecho en Mexico", so he asked his patient, "When were you in Mexico?"
She replied, "You can tell all that from a pelvic exam?"
She replied, "You can tell all that from a pelvic exam?"
Drat!
I don't know - should I comment on the fact that the driver is blond? Nah - could happen to anyone who doesn't think about the fact they're driving a low-clearance sports car just before trying to force the vehicle through that puddle in the road.
Whuuf! Hard to see how this could even have happened. Look at the rear wheels from the car leveraged into the air. Must be he got caught from behind.
Here's another "How in heck did that happen?" situations. Gotta be a prank - or that car got airborne somehow. That's it - maybe the car was dropped from one of those car-caarier trucks and the rear wheel caught as the truck got too close? I haven't got any better ideas.Here's one that's a little easier to spot how it happened. The tank driver drove off a ledge. Probably pretty tough to see out of those things. Let's just hope noone tries to fire that gun right now - it could put the tank into orbit.
I like this one - all sorts of images float through my mind as I visualize the guy fiinding his car like this. Obviously British. I hope he keeps a stiff upper lip.
