Only A Southener Knows

Only a Southerner Knows

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them, you "pitch" them.
- - -

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess" o' any of them.
- - -

Only a Southerner knows the general direction of, and the distance to, "yonder".
- - -

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Yes ma'am, we'll dispatch the ambulance to your house directly."
- - -

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.
- - -

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be anywhere from 1 mile to 20 miles.
- - -

Only a Southerner both knows and truly understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
- - -

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
- - -

Only a Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb -- and can instantly give you example sentences.
- - -

And only a Southerner would find no irony in the fact that "y'all" is singular, and "all y'all" is plural.