More Redneck Humor (Picking on Rednecks Again)

Redneck Rules of Etiquette

General

• Never take a beer to a job interview.
• Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
• It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
• If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
• Even if you're sure that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Dining Out

• When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
• If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

Entertaining in Your Home

• A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
• Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene

• While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
• Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
• Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating - (Note: these rules apply both inside and outside the family)

• Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
• Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
• Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.