Adult themed humor - The Perfect Day

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER:

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30 Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.

8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.

9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb-out.

12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe.

12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 pounds.

1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

3:00 Nap.

4:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret
admirer.

4:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage.

5:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before mirror.

7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00 Hot shower (alone).

10:30 Make love.

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM:

6:00 Alarm.

6:15 Blowjob.

6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today.

7:00 Breakfast - filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee.

7:30 Limo arrives.

7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport.

8:15 Private jet to Augusta, GA.

9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under).

11:45 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens.

12:15 Blowjob.

12:30 Back nine at Augusta (4 under).

2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay Martini).

2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap).

3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless)
crew.

4:30 Land world record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs.).

5:00 Jet back and get massage and hand job en route by naked Kathy
Ireland.

6:45 Shit, shower and shave.

7:00 Watch CNN news flash: Obama resigns.

7:30 Dinner - lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New
York steak.

9:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar.

9:30 Sex with three women.

11:00 Massage and jacuzzi.

11:45 Bed (alone).

11:50 12 second, 4 octave fart. Dog leaves room.

11:55 Giggle yourself to sleep.