New Year's lament

'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house,
nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibble, the eggnog I'd taste,
all the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales, there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I remembered the marvelous meals I prepared...

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
and the way I never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
and prepared once again to battle the dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter dressed like a man!"

So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
until all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread, or pie.

I'll munch on a carrot -- and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
but isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all!!! 
.....and to all a good diet.