The person who thought up pumpkin spice hummus.
The person who invented the fried bologna and Velveeta sandwich.
The person who invented group texts without also inventing a way to leave.
And the person who thought up sour cream and onion Crick-Ettes.
The person who thought up deep-frying butter.
The person who thought up these paper cups for water.
The person who thought up pecan pie-flavored Pringles.
And the person who thought up white chocolate peppermint-flavored Pringles too.
The person who thought it was OK to put a whole chicken inside a can.
The person who thought this was a good idea for drying people’s hands.
And the person who thought to market creamed possum.
The person who thought up Buffalo Wing Soda.
The person who invented this phone mount.
The person who thought pajamas and jeans should be combined.
The person who invented these napkin dispensers.
Gloria Melanson who thought up cinnamon bun-flavored Lays.
The person who invented car eyelashes.
The person who thought a salty watermelon-flavored drink would quench anyone’s thirst.
The person who invented plastic wrap.
The person who thought it would be a good idea to give moms everywhere access to Farmville.
The person who thought up the “Reply All” feature.
The person who invented Heelys.
And, the person who thought up automatic toilet flushing.
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