Humor Photo and Joke Time

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Joke Time - Adults Only

One night a man walks into a bar, and sees that people are gathering around in front of a stage. The crowd seems to be divided though, some people seem very eager, some very cautious and they sit toward the back.

Curious, the guy sits down at a table next to a woman and asks, "Excuse me, but is there some kind of performance that's going to happen?"

"Why yes," says the woman. "Bernie Tolwer will be playing in a few minutes."

The man thinks for a minute. "I've never heard of him, is he good? And by the way, what's with the people here, they seem to be acting strange."

She explains "Bernie is one of the greatest piano players any of us have heard. But the problem is, he drinks a lot when he plays and the names he makes up for these songs are disgusting." Ever more curious, the man decides to stay and watch the show.

So in a few minutes Bernie walks out, beer in hand, and he is obviously pretty drunk. He sits down, places his beer on a small stand next to the piano and speaks to the crowd. "Hi there folks, I'm going to play a piece for you tonight I call 'Kicking a Hobo in the Nuts and Puking in his Face'”

The crowd gasps, but they settle down when Bernie plays a beautiful song, just the greatest thing many of them have ever heard played on a piano.

He finishes the song, and his beer and tells the crowd, "OK, now for a song I wrote just today called 'Kicking a Pregnant Woman in the Stomach and Spitting in Her Eye.'"

Again the crowd is appalled, but yet again this song is just wonderful. In fact, some guy proposes to his girlfriend while this is playing, it is so beautiful.

When he’s done, Bernie stands up and says "OK kiddies, Bernie has to take a short bathroom break, but I'll be right back."

The man at the table is just in awe.

The woman says "See, I told you. It's weird isn't it?"

The man agrees.

Meanwhile in the bathroom Bernie is taking a wizz and in his drunkenness, he forgets to zip up. He even forgets to wait till he's done peeing.

So he's walking on stage wetting himself and a man in the bar shouts out, "Hey Bernie! Do you know your dick's hanging out and you're pissing on yourself?"

Bernie looks at him. "Yeah" he says, "But I played that yesterday!"