Friday, November 26, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big hole.
"Wow . . . that looks deep." "Sure does . . . toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait . . . no noise
"Man. That is REALLY deep . . . here . . . throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."
They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait . . . and wait. Nothing. They look at each other in amazement.
One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey . . . over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss that sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise".
The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.
The two men are astonished with what they've just seen . . .
Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey . . . you two guys seen my goat out here?"
"You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"
"Nah", say the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Interview with a Retiree
How many days in a week?
6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
When is a retiree's bedtime?
Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it might take all day.
What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
There's not enough time to get everything done.
Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
The term comes with a 10% discount.
Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Why do retirees count pennies?
They're the only ones who have the time.
What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
What do retirees call a long lunch?
Normal . . .
What is the best way to describe retirement?
The never ending Coffee Break.
What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favorite....
What do you do all week?
Monday through Friday, NOTHING...
Saturday & Sunday, I rest.