Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Coach Jim Boeheim, head coach of the Syracuse University basketball team, once played for the school and has now been coach there for decades. I think I heard the other day that he's the second winningest active basketball coach in the nation, but for years and years he's been tough on the press. Not the most personable guy you'd want to meet - at least in crowds.
The other night the team handily won a game against one of their longest standing rivals - the Georgetown Hoyas. Jim was feeling pretty good when he met with the press. The video may not be funny to those not familiar with Jim's normal demeanor.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
From Virginia Today
It is illegal for any woman in Waynesboro, Virginia to drive a car up Main Street - unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag.
Did you know? Bill Clinton liked Monica Lewinski's dress from the moment he spotted it.
Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and says to the clerk, who is hard of hearing, “I've got another dress for you to clean.”
The clerk replies, “I'm sorry - I couldn't hear all of that - come again?”
Monica relies, “No. This time it's mustard.”
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
What’s the difference between an economist and a confused old man with Alzheimer’s?
A party of economists was climbing in the
The others responded affirmatively.
Economists have forecast nine out of the last five recessions.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
According to posters on Reddit.com, here are a couple of responses. I wouldn't vouch for any of these - no supporting sources are given - but this looks sort of fun. And some responses are of a nature that makes them most suitable for an adult audience. Just sayin'.
A person's arm span is roughly the same as their height.
'Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.' is a valid sentence in the English language.
Before the year 1800 carrots were purple.
And HERE's a link to the site.
A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half-a-year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota. The woman asks, "Will this cure my illness?"
The doctor answers, "No, but the half-year will seem a lot longer."
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks, "What does two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies, "Four."
The interviewer asks, "Four exactly?"
The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and responds, "Yes, four exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question, "What does two plus two equal?"
The accountant say, "On average, 4 - give or take 10 percent - but on average, 4."
Finally the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question, "What is two plus two?"
The economist gets up, looks around furtively, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down right next to the interviewer and says quietly, "What do you want it to equal?"
Why was astrology invented?
So economics would seem to be an accurate science.
Friday, January 22, 2010
The guy replies, "I am Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Las Vegas."
St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and this golden staff and enter the kingdom of heaven." The taxi driver goes off into heaven with his silken robe and his golden staff, and then it is the minister's turn.
The reverend stands erect and belts out, "I am Robert Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-five years."
St. Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this wooden staff and this cotton robe and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute!" says the minister. "The man just before me was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be that I am treated worse than he is?"
"Up here we work by results," responds St. Peter. " While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
Thursday, January 21, 2010
She said, "Sure," so they grabbed their clubs and headed for the first tee. After she teed off, the wife realized that her husband was a little agitated. "What's wrong?" she asked.
He said, "Your know, if it hadn't been for your stupid oat bran, we could have been here years ago."
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a good family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and that, as a teacher, I made a terrific difference in the lives of the children I taught."
The third guy says, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look - he's moving!'"
The second two were a technician and his supervisor. I spent a grand total of 10 minutes with them as they determined that I had an unrecoverable hard drive. Think about that - that works out to about $800 per hour. Dell must be very proud of themselves! I think next time I'll find someone local who only charges $50 per hour.
How propitious that I saw the following video online this morning. Just wondering.
Just to note - I did like the Dell computer and I have ordered another one, BUT - I don't think I'll use their call center again.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
A lady who lived in a small Minnesota town had two pet monkeys.
After several years, one of them died. Shortly thereafter the second one died of a broken heart.
Not wishing to let go of the monkeys, the lady took them to a taxidermist to be stuffed.
"Would you like them mounted?" asked the taxidermist?
"Oh, goodness no!" she replied. "Just have them holding hands."
Monday, January 18, 2010
The doctor replied, "There's a fire across the street. We didn't want you to wake up and think that the operation was a failure."
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
“HELLLOOOOOOO……,” answered the blond. “They’re watch dogs!”
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Scriptwriting isn’t easy. Some people spend months trying to perfect a specific scene, trying to write that perfect line that sticks in the mind of those who hear it. Then these guys come along and do it off the top of their heads.
How it played out:
Every great movie has one line or moment that will forever be associated with that film. In Taxi Driver, that line is “You talkin’ to me?” It actually became referenced in pop culture so often it was declared by the American Film Institute to be the tenth greatest movie quote of all time. It wasn’t even in the script. De Niro was just supposed to spend a moment looking menacingly at his reflection in the mirror. Instead he spent a full minute threatening it out loud.
I first saw this on Bits and Pieces, but there are several more HERE
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Weight Watchers Floor Collapses During Weigh-in.
from Gawker by Azaria Jagger
20 zaftigs piled into a Swedish Weight Watchers facility to have their corpulence quantified: "We suddenly heard a huge thud; we almost thought it was an earthquake and everything flew up in the air. The floor collapsed..."
Friday, January 15, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Already knew I was dumber than the fifth graders… but now it’s the pre-schoolers??
A PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU
Which way is the bus below traveling? To the left or to the right?
Can’t make up your mind? Look carefully at the picture again.
Still don’t know?
Pre-schoolers all over the United States were shown this picture and asked the same question. Click on the link below to see what answer 90% of the pre-schooler’s gave.
“The bus is traveling to the left.”
When asked, “Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?”
They answered: “Because you can’t see the door to get on the bus.”
How do you feel now ???
Yeah, me too!
I ripped this off from Bits and Pieces
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Once the page has loaded, click on "View" on the menu bar, then click on "Start presentation."
A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. “You need a mule to plow such wet ground,” he says.
“Where can I buy one?” he is asked.
“Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars,” the farmer says.
“I’ll take him,” says the other man as he counts out the money.
“I can’t bring him over today. I don’t work on Sunday. Tomorrow OK?”
The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, “Sorry, bad news. I went out after breakfast and the mule was dead.”
The city feller says just give me my money back then.
“Can’t, spent it already!”
“Well… unload the mule then.”
“What ya gonna do with him?”
“Raffle him off!”
“Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!”
“Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks.”
One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.
“What did ya do with that dead mule?”
“Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 198 dollars profit.”
“Didn’t anyone complain?”
“Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!”
(There is this stupid little ditty that has circulated long before anyone was even on the Internet. It's been circulated via fax machines and has even been in a magazine or two.)
It is thus:
DOWNSIZING AND LAYOFFS
Joe started the day early, having set his alarm clock (Made in Japan) for 6am.
While his coffeepot (Made in Germany) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong).
He put on his dress shirt (made in Sri Lanka), his pants (made in Singapore), and his shoes (made in Indonesia). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in India), he sat down with his pocket calculator (made in China), to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his Swiss watch to the radio (made in China), he got in his Japanese made car and continued his search for a Good AMERICAN JOB!!!
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals (made In Brazil), poured himself a glass of French wine, turned on his TV (made in Korea), and wondered why he couldn't find a GOOD AMERICAN JOB!!!
Most of you can already see the stupidity of the above ditty, right? It is not the sleezy greedy companies like Monsanto, Enron, and General Motors, its us! WE are to blame because we shop at Wal*Mart and buy products not MADE IN AMERICA!
And if that's not us, then surely it's that son of a bitch next door who drives the Honda!
(I've seen this in a couple of places, but the version posted here was grabbed up from THIS SITE.)
Mexico beauty queen (Miss Mexico International, 2009) Laura Zuniga was arrested for gun smuggling. There was a translation problem, however. When Mexican police said she was packing a pair of 38s, Americans didn't know if she was armed or had won the bathing suit competition.
In Canada, a child sued her father because he grounded her - and she won. He appealed the decision - and the child ...well, click on the link to read more about the outcome.
And on this same page, there is a photo set accompanying 10 of the dumbest laws on the books In the U.S., including reference to a Nevada law that makes it illegal to drive a camel on a highway.
For Christmas in '75 my wife bought me my first aquarium and I've had one ever since. But getting the aquarium set up, water loaded in and fish placed into the tank was a bit of a trick. One day while I was cleaning the tank, one of the fish jumped out (without my knowing it), and shortly thereafter I stomped on the fish with my foot (in the cast). My wife thinks that story is hilarious and she tells it often.
That first tank was just 15 gallons, but later I went to a 55-gallon tank and tried salt water fish. I loved the tank - had fancy filters and fancier lights - had an anemone or two and several expensive fish - coral skeletons for decorations - lots of equipment and lots of expenditures.
But keeping a salt water aquarium is an expensive and dedicated hobby. After a couple of years I didn't spend so much time taking care of the tank and the algae took over and killed the fish.
Today I have the aquarium in the family room with just a few fresh-water fish - angels, black shark, plecostomous, etc. and it is pretty easy to care for. Once a month I change the filters and and maybe every two weeks I top off the water, but I would miss it if it was gone.
When my wife and I travel I like to visit the huge aquariums housed in places like New Orleans, Epcott Center, Las Vegas, etc. Thus it was kind of fun for me to run across a set of 50 photos of aquariums on the web. You might, or might not appreciate such stuff, but click on the image to link to the photo set, if you're interested.