Cartoon Time

Joke Time

The hotel is pleased to announce a new service for weary travelers: transcendental meditation services.

Enjoy release from stress, experience deep relaxation, and attain inner happiness with our in-house yogi -- 24 hours a day!

The Transcendental Meditation technique is simple, natural, and effortless -- just 20 minutes brings relief from the strain of your successful travel day. This proven meditation technique requires no effort or concentration, no special skills, and there’s no equipment to buy.

Interested in joining us? Just pick up any house phone and dial "0" for the front desk and ask for Ooohhhmmmm Service.

Sign Time

Computer Tech Humor

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one.
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good. I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet! It's still on my desk. Sorry.
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Tech support: Click on the My Computer icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello. I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on Start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me. I'm not Bill Gates!
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon. This is Martha and I can't print. Every time I try, it says "Can't Find Printer." I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
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Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah! Thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah, that one does work.
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter "V" as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
---
Tech support: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry. Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: Okay and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
---
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.
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Tech support: Okay, Bob, let's press the Control and Escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now, type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a "P."
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P," on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'm not going to do that!

Fun Signs

Joke Time

A man walked into church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, splashed some of it on his legs and then tossed aside his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the event and ran to tell the priest what he'd just seen. The priest said, "Son, you've just witnessed a mira­cle. Tell me, where is this man?"

The altar boy replied, "Lying on the floor next to the holy water."

Deep Thinking

Joke Time

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other; "How are things going?"

"Terrible," the second bee said. "The weather has been cold and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey."

"No problem," the first bee said. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a bar mitzvah going on, and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit."

"Thanks for the tip," the second bee said.

A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?"

"Great," the second bee said. "It was every­thing you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and huge floral arrangements on every table."

"What's that thing on your head?" the first bee asked.

The second bee said, "That's my yarmulke. I didn't want them to think I was a wasp.”

Fun Signs

Laughing Baby Video

Joke Time

An airplane pilot dies, and is sent to hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arrived' area and asks him to wait just a little, the pilot is to choose his own hell, but first the devil has to take care of something else.

While the devil is gone, the curious pilot begins examining the waiting area and discovers doors marked 1, 2, and 3.

He opens door number one, and sees a pilot going through flight checks for all eternity.

He opens door number two, and sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve emergency situations.

Then he opens the last door, and sees a flight captain being waited on hand and foot by scantily-clad stewardesses.

The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position. He offers the pilot a choice of door number one or two.

The pilot objects: "I wanted door number three!"

"Sorry," replies the devil, "that is 'flight attendants' hell'."

T-Shirt Fun

Joke Time

The roommate wanted to know how the blind date had gone. "Terrible!" was the answer. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce!"

"Wow! That is a very expensive car. What is so bad about that?""He was the original owner!"

Fun Signs

(click any image to see a larger version)

Joke Time

The company had been out on maneuvers all day. "How far to the bivouac, Sarge?" one of the men asked.

“About three miles," was the reply.

An hour later another soldier piped up, "How far to the bivouac?"

"About three miles."

Another hour passed. A third soldier asked the same question and got the same reply.

"At least," mumbled a fourth, "we're holding our own.

Cartoons - Maxine

Joke Time

On his way home from a sales meeting, a New Yorker spotted a farmer in a field pulling on a calf's leg that was protruding from a pregnant cow. The traveler stopped and offered to help.

Getting a few words of instruction, the city slicker grabbed the leg and after a great deal of yanking and pulling managed to free the ani­mal. "Thanks," the farmer said. "What can I give you for your help?"

"You don't owe me anything. But there is one thing," he said. 'Just how fast was that calf going when it hit the cow?"

Sign Time

Joke Time

A man in a suede jacket was stopped on the street by an angry woman. "Do you know a cow was murdered to make that jacket?" she shouted.

"Yeah, but I didn't know there were any wit­nesses,” he replied. "Now I'm gonna have to kill you too."