Saturday, January 05, 2008
Friday, January 04, 2008
Special Thought For The Day
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee:
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes".
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions. And if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full." "The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car."
"The sand is everything else---the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes".
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions. And if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full." "The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car."
"The sand is everything else---the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Joke Time - Embarrassing Date
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date
or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first
date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was
absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and
truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful
until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!
Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a
point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started.
In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt
rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her
buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.
Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she
attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she
answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance.
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater
and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.
She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose
themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced
with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her
chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first
place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to
unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed
off.
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date
or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first
date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was
absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and
truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful
until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!
Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a
point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started.
In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt
rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her
buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.
Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she
attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she
answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance.
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater
and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.
She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose
themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced
with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her
chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first
place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to
unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed
off.
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Military Manuals - Wit and Wisdom
Wit and Wisdom from Military Manuals
-----------------------------
---------------------
'If the Enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
---------------------
'It is generally inadvisable to eject over the
area you just bombed'
- U.S. Air Force Manual
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Aim towards the Enemy'
- Instructions printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher
-----------------------------
---------------------
'When the pin is pulled, Mr.Grenade is not
our friend.'
- U.S. Marine Corps
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate.
The bombs are guaranteed always to hit the ground.'
- USAF Ammo Troop
-----------------------------
'If the Enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
---------------------
'It is generally inadvisable to eject over the
area you just bombed'
- U.S. Air Force Manual
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Aim towards the Enemy'
- Instructions printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher
-----------------------------
---------------------
'When the pin is pulled, Mr.Grenade is not
our friend.'
- U.S. Marine Corps
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate.
The bombs are guaranteed always to hit the ground.'
- USAF Ammo Troop
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Whoever said the pen is mightier then the sword
obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur
-----------------------------
'Whoever said the pen is mightier then the sword
obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
'Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
---------------------
'You, you, and you. Panic. The rest of you come with me.'
- U.S. Marine Gunnery Sgt. (Mgysgt5)
-----------------------------
'You, you, and you. Panic. The rest of you come with me.'
- U.S. Marine Gunnery Sgt. (Mgysgt5)
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Tracers work both ways.'
- U.S. Army Ordnance
-----------------------------
'Tracers work both ways.'
- U.S. Army Ordnance
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Five second fuses only last three seconds'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
'Five second fuses only last three seconds'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last,
and don't ever volunteer to do anything.'
- U.S. Navy Swabbie
-----------------------------
'Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last,
and don't ever volunteer to do anything.'
- U.S. Navy Swabbie
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.'
- David Hackworth
-----------------------------
'Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.'
- David Hackworth
-----------------------------
---------------------
'If your attack is going too well, you're
walking into an ambush.'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
-----------------------
'No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.'
- Joe Gay
-----------------------------
'If your attack is going too well, you're
walking into an ambush.'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
-----------------------
'No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.'
- Joe Gay
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
- unknown
-----------------------------
'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
- unknown
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have
nothing to do.'
- Unknown Marine Recruit
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'If you see a bomb technician running, follow him.'
- USAF Ammo Troop
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes
in the ocean than submarines in the sky.'
- From an old carrier sailor
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably
a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up.... The pilot
dies.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Never trade luck for skill.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
'Why is it doing that?', 'Where are we?' And 'Oh S...!'
-----------------------------
------------------------
'Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two are always needed to complete the flight successfully.'
------------------------------
-----------------------
'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up
there!'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag
to store dead batteries.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to
a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
-----------------------------
--------------------------
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
it can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
-----------------------------
'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have
nothing to do.'
- Unknown Marine Recruit
-----------------------------
---------------------
'Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'If you see a bomb technician running, follow him.'
- USAF Ammo Troop
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes
in the ocean than submarines in the sky.'
- From an old carrier sailor
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably
a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up.... The pilot
dies.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Never trade luck for skill.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
'Why is it doing that?', 'Where are we?' And 'Oh S...!'
-----------------------------
------------------------
'Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two are always needed to complete the flight successfully.'
------------------------------
-----------------------
'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up
there!'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag
to store dead batteries.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to
a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
-----------------------------
--------------------------
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
it can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
-----------------------------
--------------------------
'A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying
his plane to its maximum.'
- Jon McBride, astronaut
-----------------------------
--------------------------
'If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing
as far into the crash as possible.'
- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot )
-----------------------------
---------------------
'A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.'
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
---------------------------------
'A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying
his plane to its maximum.'
- Jon McBride, astronaut
-----------------------------
--------------------------
'If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing
as far into the crash as possible.'
- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot )
-----------------------------
---------------------
'A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.'
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
---------------------------------
-----------------------
'Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
---------------------------------
'Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
---------------------------------
-----------------------
'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'
-----------------------------
--------------------------
Basic Flying Rules: 'Try to stay in the middle of the air.
Do not go near the edges of it.
The edges of the air can be recognized by the
appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
It is much more difficult to fly there.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked
when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
-----------------------------
----------------------------- --
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having
torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck
arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What
happened?'.
The pilot's reply, 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
***************
Blunt words can have a sharp edge
'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'
-----------------------------
--------------------------
Basic Flying Rules: 'Try to stay in the middle of the air.
Do not go near the edges of it.
The edges of the air can be recognized by the
appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
It is much more difficult to fly there.'
-----------------------------
-------------------------
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked
when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
-----------------------------
----------------------------- --
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having
torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck
arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What
happened?'.
The pilot's reply, 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
***************
Blunt words can have a sharp edge
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