A week before the ceremony, the bride broom informed the groom broom that she was expecting a little whisk broom.
The groom broom was aghast. "How can that be possible?" he asked the bride broom. "We've never swept together!"
I was driving along, stuck behind a local city bus. It lumbered uphill, emitting great quantities of thick black diesel exhaust. Through the haze, I could just make out the ad on the back of the bus for an area FM station. The slogan: "Fresh Country Air".
There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few housecalls he stopped coming to the farm. The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask what‘s the matter, didn't the doctor like him anymore.
The doctor said, "No, it's your ducks at the entrance...every time I enter the farm, they insult me!"
America, Russia and Japan are sending up a two year shuttle mission with an astronaut from each country. Since it's going to be two years up there, each may take any form of entertainment weighing 150 pounds or less.
The American approaches the NASA board and asks to take his 125 lb wife. They approve.
The Japanese astronaut says, "I've always wanted to learn Greek. I want 150 lbs of books to use to learn Greek". The NASA board approves.
The Russian astronaut thinks for a second and says, "It's gonna be two years up there. I want 150 pounds of the best Cuban cigars ever made." Again, NASA says OK.
Two years later, the shuttle lands and everyone is gathered outside the shuttle to see what each astronaut got out of his personal entertainment.
Well, it’s obvious what the American‘s been up to, he and his wife are each holding an infant. The crowd cheers.
The Japanese astronaut steps out and makes a 10 minute speech in absolutely perfect Greek. The crowd doesn't understand a word of it, but they're impressed and they cheer.
The Russian astronaut stomps out, clenches the podium until his knuckles turn white, glares at the first row waving a chewed up cigar at them, and says: "Anybody got a match?"