'Twas the night before Christmas
--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves
and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats,
ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind
to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass
for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"
--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--
The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant
and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought
that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS
sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes--
if that ain't damn funny:
Who ever sent Santa
Claus any money?
And the kids these days--
they all are the pits,
They want the impossible--T
hose mean little shits.
I spent a whole year
making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls...
Their arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo yo's--
No request for them,
They want computers and robots...
they think I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...
dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys
and skinning my knees.
I'm quitting this job
there's just no enjoyment,
I'll sit on my fat ass
and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year,
now you know the reason:
I found me a blonde,
and I'm going south for the season.
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