Buy American!

Hypocrisy creates great humor.

Patriotic

All American, all girl.

Buy, Buy An American Pie (video)

Where Are All The Jobs?

I'm out of work! Who can I blame?

(There is this stupid little ditty that has circulated long before anyone was even on the Internet. It's been circulated via fax machines and has even been in a magazine or two.)

It is thus:

DOWNSIZING AND LAYOFFS

Joe started the day early, having set his alarm clock (Made in Japan) for 6am.

While his coffeepot (Made in Germany) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong).

He put on his dress shirt (made in Sri Lanka), his pants (made in Singapore), and his shoes (made in Indonesia). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in India), he sat down with his pocket calculator (made in China), to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his Swiss watch to the radio (made in China), he got in his Japanese made car and continued his search for a Good AMERICAN JOB!!!

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while.

He put on his sandals (made In Brazil), poured himself a glass of French wine, turned on his TV (made in Korea), and wondered why he couldn't find a GOOD AMERICAN JOB!!!

Most of you can already see the stupidity of the above ditty, right? It is not the sleezy greedy companies like Monsanto, Enron, and General Motors, its us! WE are to blame because we shop at Wal*Mart and buy products not MADE IN AMERICA!

And if that's not us, then surely it's that son of a bitch next door who drives the Honda!

(I've seen this in a couple of places, but the version posted here was grabbed up from THIS SITE.)
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Did You Know - American Myths

MYTH AMERICA

You've probably believed these stories since you were a kid. Most Americans have, because they were taught to us as sacred truths. Well, here's another look at them.

HILL OF BEANS The Myth: The Battle of Bunker Hill—where the Americans first faced the Redcoats—was the colonists' initial triumph in the Revolutionary War.

The Truth: Not only did the British wallop the Americans in the encounter, the whole thing wasn't even fought on Bunker Hill. The American troops had actually been ordered to defend Bunker Hill, but there was an enormous foul-up and somehow, they wound up trying to protect nearby Breed's Hill, which was more vulnerable to attack. They paid for it—when the fighting was over, the Americans had been chased away by the British troops. Casualties were heavy for both sides; about 450 Americans were killed, and a staggering 1,000 (out of 2,100 soldiers) Redcoats bit the dust.

PILGRIMS' PROGRESS The Myth: The Pilgrims were headed for Massachusetts.

The Truth: They were headed for "Hudson's River." Because of poor navigation and unexpected winds, the first land they sighted was Cape Cod. They tried to sail south, but "dangerous shoales and roaring breakers" prevented it. So they reluctantly turned back. By this time, the crew of the Mayflower (no, the ship wasn't manned by Pilgrims) was sick of them and hustled them off the boat as fast as they could.

The Myth: The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. Background: This tale originated in 1741, more than 100 years after the Pilgrims arrived. It has been attributed to a then-95-year-old man named Thomas Fraunce, who claimed his father had told him the story when he was a boy. However, his father hadn't landed with the pilgrims—he reached America 3 years after they did.

The Truth: The Pilgrims first landed in Provincetown, Massachusetts.

AND SO FOURTH

The Myth: American independence was declared on July 4th. Background: Because the Declaration of Independence is dated July 4th, people associate that date with American independence. In fact, independence was declared first...and was confirmed with the document a few days later.

The Truth: The Continental Congress declared independence on July 2nd. One of the Founding Fathers, John Adams, is quoted as having written his wife on July 3rd: "The 2nd day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable... in the history of America. I am apt to believe it will be celebrated by succeeding generations, as the great anniversary Festival."

• Note: Actually, the first Independence Day celebration—by the Continental Congress—was on July 8th, 1776.

A SIGN OF THE TIMES

The Myth: In a hushed hall in Philadelphia on July 4, 1776, each signer of the Declaration of Independence proudly and publicly took his turn affixing his signature to the document. Background: This tale was apparently concocted by Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin, who wrote about it in letters after the event.

The Truth: Only 2 people—John Hancock and Charles Thomson —signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th. It wasn't until about a month later, on August 2, that the majority of the delegates signed it. And it wasn't until 5 years later, in 1781, that the last signature was finally added.

• How public was the signing? The Continental Congress would only admit that Hancock's and Thomson's names were on the document. Everyone else signed in secrecy. It wasn't until the following January that the signers' names were made public.

YANKEE DOODLE

The Myth: "Yankee Doodle" was originally a patriotic song.

The Truth: It was composed in England as an anti-American tune. The phrase "stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni" referred to a foppish English group called the Macaroni Club, whose members wore ludicrous "continental" fashions they mistakenly believed to be elegant. The British laughed at "Yankee Doodle dandies," bumpkins who didn't know how silly they really were.

Humor - Differences

How We Differ from Country to Country.


Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Brits when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing patriots to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing it.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't watch much TV, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice at baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms (Brits) in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English."
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English."
Canadians: Spell like Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day," "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, urine-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, urine-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting urine.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.