Friday, November 30, 2012
This doctor always got really stressed out at work. So every day on his way home, he'd stop and see his friend Dick, the bartender. Dick would know the doctor was coming, and he'd have an almond daiquiri ready for him. The doctor would come in and have his almond daiquiri and go home.
One day Dick ran out of almonds, and he thought, "Well, the doctor won't know the difference." So he cut up this hickory nut and made a daiquiri with it.
When the doctor came by, Dick put the drink in front of him. The doctor took a sip and said, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?"
And Dick said, "No, it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender."
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?"
The other replies, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist, and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."
"Aha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder - those are friars!"
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. Just as he did this, a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from and saw a young woman looking down from an upstairs window.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?"
When he got up to her apartment, he found she was extremely attractive, and she offered him a drink. After they'd finished their drinks, she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer, and they both enjoyed a lovely meal. After dinner, she said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you.. .like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated, then said, "Wow, do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "only those who catch my eye."