Humor - Prince Charles Warning

1981 & 2005 were certainly two interesting years!

Interesting Year 1981:
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Pope Died

Interesting Year 2005:
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Pope Died

Lesson Learned:
The next time Charles gets married...someone warn the Pope!

Fun Photos

You don't have to be pregnant to be a Raiders fan, but it helps!

The view is always cleaner on the other side of the window.

Video - Funny Magic Tricks

A couple of guys perform comedy and magic in front of a live audience. 5+ minute video.

Video - Thousand Pound Man

Here's a pretty gross little news story on a thousand pound man.

Humor - Trash Talk

You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest cheat in Canada.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
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Husband: "Want a quickie?"

Wife: "As opposed to what?"
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First guy: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

Cartoons

(Click any image to view larger)

Humor - World's Shortest Books

The Top Ten Shortest Books

10. "Human Rights Advances in China "

9. Mike Tyson's "Guide to Dating Etiquette "

8. "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman

7. "Al Gore: The Wild Years "

6. Amelia Earhart's "Guide to the Pacific Ocean "

5. Dr. Kevorkian's "Collection of Motivational Speeches "

4. "Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance "

3. "Everything Men Know About Women "

2. "To All The Men I've Loved Before" by Ellen DeGeneres

1. The Amish Phone Directory

Videos

Here's a very funny mash-up of Smeagol (from Lord of the Rings) singing a Barry White tune.





A mildly amusing video of a comedian doing stand-up, promoting new songs for commercials.

Humor - Toilet

How to thoroughly clean the toilet

1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)

4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".)

5. Have someone open the door to the outside. (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.)

6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

Both the commode and the cat will now be sparkling clean!

Sincerely,
The Dog

Fun photos

The woman on the left was trying out a new technique - sliding under the hurdles. Unfortunately, she had never checked out the rules which declare that you must go OVER the hurdles.
Bobby was much more limber after having his spine removed.

Ed had spent nearly two hours searching through the freezer at the grocery store while trying to find some of the new Ben and Jerry's Colbert Nation Ice Cream.

The boys figured this would be a good way to keep the beer cold.

Man, that Tabasco Sauce was really hot!

Video - Bowling Done Easy

Here's a video of a great bowling trick...


Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

Cartoons

Joke - No Email

An unemployed man went to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test. After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed as a janitor at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day."

Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed by Microsoft."

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10.00 in his wallet, he buys a 25 LB. flat of tomatoes at the supermarket and in less than two hours, he sell all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit.

Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100.00 before going to sleep that night. It dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes.

Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pickup truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pickup trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned. "What, you don't have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the internet, e-mail and e-commerce ? Just imagine where you could be now if you had been connected to the internet from the very start!"

"Well," replied the tomato millionaire, "I would be a janitor at Microsoft!"

By definition, a fable must have a moral. This one has four:

1. The internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.

2. If you don't have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.

3. Since you got this story on the internet, you may be closer to becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire.

4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.

Videos

A young lady in a bar tricks some other patrons into buying her a free drink.



And here's a funny, phony commercial for the iPhone from Conan O'Brien.

Joke - Jonah

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Video - Cell Phone Wars

Here's a great video on the cell phone wars....

Joke - Drawing

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,"They will in a minute."

Fun Photos

Ronald is nabbed by the cops after McStealing some McTV's.

Breaking News - Mick Jagger is too old to be singing rock-and-roll! Here he's seen perfroming during the Rolling Stone's most recent concert - called The Depends Tour!

The point of this gathering was to demonstrate that strange people come in all shapes and sizes.

Jimmy had been feeling for quite some time that he needed to do SOMETHING to get Greta to stop pawing his chest!

Joke - The Woodcutter and the Lord

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Heather Locklear. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes!" cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You liar! That is not your wife!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Heather Locklear, You would have come up with Tara Reid. Then if I also said 'no' to her, You would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given all three to me. Lord, I am a poor man, and I am not able to take care of all three wives, so that's why I said 'yes' to Heather Locklear!"

The Moral of this story: Anytime a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reasons and for the benefit of others.

Video - SNL Peyton Manning

Here's a really funny clip of Peyton Manning on Saturday Night Live.