W.C. FIELDS SEZ:
The original movie curmudgeon had a lot to say.
"Never give a sucker an even break."
"Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one."
"Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad."
"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
"Never try to impress a woman because if you do, you'll have to keep up that standard the rest of your life."
"Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband; show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil."
"I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"I never vote for anyone. I always vote against."
"Start every day off with a smile, and get it over with."
"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for."
"Twas a woman who drove me to drink....And I never had the courtesy to thank her for it."
"I always keep a supply of liquor handy in case I see a snake—which I also keep handy."
"All my available funds are completely tied up in ready cash."
"I have never struck a woman. Never! Not even my poor old mother."
"I like children. If they're properly cooked."
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."