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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Year
My daughter has to work tonight, so my wife and I will spend the night at home - alone. We'll tape the ball drop and celebrate with the family early next week when we can all get together. In the meantime,...
Jon Stewart - Geroge Carlin
I'm a big George Carlin fan - he was part of my generation. In this video clip, a young Jon Stewart interviews Carlin for about 10 minutes.
This Is Interesting
We often hear about the toll that shoplifting takes on retail stores - it can cost them tons in profits and force them to raise the price on items that us honest folks want to buy.
Well, Gawker is reporting on a study done on shoplifting, and it turns out that the help who work in the stores are the biggest culprits. The study found out that "larcenous employees averaged $1,890 in theft, compared with $438 for shoplifters."
You can click the ink above to hit up the site and follow Gawker's leads to the original story, but Gawkers language is a little raw and not for kids.
Well, Gawker is reporting on a study done on shoplifting, and it turns out that the help who work in the stores are the biggest culprits. The study found out that "larcenous employees averaged $1,890 in theft, compared with $438 for shoplifters."
You can click the ink above to hit up the site and follow Gawker's leads to the original story, but Gawkers language is a little raw and not for kids.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
What is it?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.
What is it?
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
A last name.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.
What is it?
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
A last name.
I love new technology
Back around Thanksgiving, we had a little accident with the TV in our (small) living room, so it gave me the excuse to go out and buy a new flat screen model. I settled on a 32" Samsung that was top rated by Consumer Reports - 1080P 
with a 120Hz refresh rate. Bought a new stand for the TV as well (no easy way to run cables to the back of it, so we didn't wall mount it).
Loved the TV - great pictures from Time-Warner cable even though their hi-def channels are only broadcast in 1080i. The old DVD player/recorder I had in the living room was sort of sad (Sony) and I'd had trouble playing some DVD's with it ever since I got it. Not sure why it didn't work right - for months I swore that the Netflix discs I was getting were bad - took me a while to figure out it was the machine.
At any rate, a few days before Christmas I bought a Samsung Blu-ray player - also
highly rated by CR. I've got just one bitch - every time I turn on the Blu-Ray player, it automatically disconnects the TV from the cable connection and forces a connection between the player and the TV. Sometimes I turn on the player just to remove a disc and I don't want the TV station lost. But - small inconvenience.
The best part of the setup? I can connect to my Netflix account via my wireless router and stream Netflix and YouTube without passing through a computer. Man, that's really neat stuff.
As I said in the title, I love technology.
with a 120Hz refresh rate. Bought a new stand for the TV as well (no easy way to run cables to the back of it, so we didn't wall mount it).Loved the TV - great pictures from Time-Warner cable even though their hi-def channels are only broadcast in 1080i. The old DVD player/recorder I had in the living room was sort of sad (Sony) and I'd had trouble playing some DVD's with it ever since I got it. Not sure why it didn't work right - for months I swore that the Netflix discs I was getting were bad - took me a while to figure out it was the machine.
At any rate, a few days before Christmas I bought a Samsung Blu-ray player - also
highly rated by CR. I've got just one bitch - every time I turn on the Blu-Ray player, it automatically disconnects the TV from the cable connection and forces a connection between the player and the TV. Sometimes I turn on the player just to remove a disc and I don't want the TV station lost. But - small inconvenience.The best part of the setup? I can connect to my Netflix account via my wireless router and stream Netflix and YouTube without passing through a computer. Man, that's really neat stuff.
As I said in the title, I love technology.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Seniors - Joke
Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft accent asked 'What are you sellin' here?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling assholes.'
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, 'You're doing well, only two left.'
Seniors - God bless them - BUT don't mess with them.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Icy Street
We live in snow country, so I've seen some slippery streets and even gone sideways for a few feet, but never have I seen one this bad.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
How Rudolph's Nose Got It's Glow
Gene Autry sang of Rudolph
His nose so red and bright
And how he'd guide Santa's sleigh
On those foggy nights
Yes, Rudolph was a now a hero
The way the story goes
But have you ever stopped to think
How Rudolph got that nose?
It all started years ago
That's what the reindeer say
No matter what the reindeer did
Rudolph was always in their way
He was in the middle of their work
And in their way at play
When he got in the middle of their football game
An accident happened that day
The score was tied six to six
With just seconds left to go
When Prancer decided to try and kick
A thirty yard field goal
Donner was ready with the ball
Prancer's foot was back to kick
Then all of a sudden from nowhere
In Rudolph's nose did stick
Prancer's foot came flying
As the story goes
But instead of kicking the football
He kicked Rudolph on his nose
Rudolph's nose began to swell
Then it began to glow
The sky was lit for miles and miles
From Rudolph's bright red nose
Many years have now gone past
Since that awful day
Although, the swelling has long been gone
His nose still glows today
So now you know the whole story
It wasn't Rudolph who saved the night
For if it hadn't been for Prancer's foot
Santa would have neve made the flight
Woody Woodruff
Dec 1996
Found on Miss Cellania's blog.
-
His nose so red and bright
And how he'd guide Santa's sleigh
On those foggy nights
Yes, Rudolph was a now a hero
The way the story goes
But have you ever stopped to think
How Rudolph got that nose?
It all started years ago
That's what the reindeer say
No matter what the reindeer did
Rudolph was always in their way
He was in the middle of their work
And in their way at play
When he got in the middle of their football game
An accident happened that day
The score was tied six to six
With just seconds left to go
When Prancer decided to try and kick
A thirty yard field goal
Donner was ready with the ball
Prancer's foot was back to kick
Then all of a sudden from nowhere
In Rudolph's nose did stick
Prancer's foot came flying
As the story goes
But instead of kicking the football
He kicked Rudolph on his nose
Rudolph's nose began to swell
Then it began to glow
The sky was lit for miles and miles
From Rudolph's bright red nose
Many years have now gone past
Since that awful day
Although, the swelling has long been gone
His nose still glows today
So now you know the whole story
It wasn't Rudolph who saved the night
For if it hadn't been for Prancer's foot
Santa would have neve made the flight
Woody Woodruff
Dec 1996
Found on Miss Cellania's blog.
-
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I Think You Heard That Incorrectly
The following is ripped from Miss Cellania...
A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols. A lot of them ended up as mondegreens, or misheard lyrics. Here are some of the more humorous lines she received:
Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
We three kings of porridge and tar
On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
He's makin a list, chicken and rice.
Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.
With the jelly toast proclaim
Olive, the other reindeer.
Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
Sleep in heavenly peas
In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown
You'll go down in listerine
Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay
O come, froggy faithful
You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"
Another blast of videos...
Drunk has a little trouble walking...
Sexy Bic Advertisement
Now this is funny...
A do-it-yourself hair transplant - stupidest video of the year?
Do It Yourself Hair Transplant. Cure Baldness Instantly - More bloopers are a click away
Upstate New York - Really upstate - like north of Syracuse.
[Really Jeff Foxworthy? I doubt it.]
Jeff Foxworthy on Upstate New York .
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Upstate New York.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights a year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the nation, and Syracuse gets more snow than any other major city in the US , you might live in Upstate NY.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in Upstate New York .
If you get 131 inches of snow in a week and you comment that 'winter's finally here,' you might live near Oswego in Upstate New York.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live, bundled up, in Upstate New York.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Upstate NY.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York.
If you have worn shorts and a parka on the same day, you might live in Upstate New York.
If you have had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Upstate New York.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE UPSTATE NEW YORKER WHEN:
"Vacation" means going south past Syracuse for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction
You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
Down South to you means Corning .
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.
You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find 10 degrees "a little chilly." And 55 is shorts weather.
You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Upstate New York friends and to those who used to live here and left (chickens).
Jeff Foxworthy on Upstate New York .
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Upstate New York.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights a year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the nation, and Syracuse gets more snow than any other major city in the US , you might live in Upstate NY.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in Upstate New York .
If you get 131 inches of snow in a week and you comment that 'winter's finally here,' you might live near Oswego in Upstate New York.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live, bundled up, in Upstate New York.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Upstate NY.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York.
If you have worn shorts and a parka on the same day, you might live in Upstate New York.
If you have had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Upstate New York.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE UPSTATE NEW YORKER WHEN:
"Vacation" means going south past Syracuse for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction
You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
Down South to you means Corning .
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.
You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find 10 degrees "a little chilly." And 55 is shorts weather.
You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Upstate New York friends and to those who used to live here and left (chickens).
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
A Balst of Videos
Amazing Accidents...
A new look at Batman
Kersplash
Now that's a new one...
Another giggling baby video...
A new look at Batman
Kersplash
Now that's a new one...
Another giggling baby video...
Christmas Greetings
Peace Be With You
Check it out here!
An X-Files Christmas
Mulder: We're too late: it's already been here.
Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, obviously with care.
Scully: You really think someone's been here?
Mulder: Someone -- or some thing.
Scully: Mulder, over here! It's... fruitcake!
Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
Scully: It's OK. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and nice."
Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
Scully: Who? What are you talking about?
Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish its disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.
Scully: But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents to frighten children. Surely, you don't believe it?
Mulder: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive -- and in a hurry.
Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder: this milk glass has been completely drained.
Mulder: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding.
Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.
Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge creature landed on the roof and came down the chimney? You're crazy! The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get through there.
Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions?
Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
Mulder: Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father.
Scully: Impossible.
Mulder: I know what I saw! And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. It knew i wanted a Mr. Potato Head.
Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen to what you are saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the X-Files.
Mulder: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping. It knows when you're awake.
Scully: But we have no proof.
Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over 27 states. The White House ordered a Condition Red.
Scully: But that was a meteor shower!
Mulder: Officially, maybe. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. Nobody -- not even the zookeeper -- was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist, then the public would stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night.
Scully: Mulder, I ---
Scully: On the roof! It sounded like... a clatter.
Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter....
Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, obviously with care.
Scully: You really think someone's been here?
Mulder: Someone -- or some thing.
Scully: Mulder, over here! It's... fruitcake!
Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
Scully: It's OK. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and nice."
Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
Scully: Who? What are you talking about?
Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish its disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.
Scully: But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents to frighten children. Surely, you don't believe it?
Mulder: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive -- and in a hurry.
Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder: this milk glass has been completely drained.
Mulder: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding.
Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.
Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge creature landed on the roof and came down the chimney? You're crazy! The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get through there.
Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions?
Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
Mulder: Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father.
Scully: Impossible.
Mulder: I know what I saw! And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. It knew i wanted a Mr. Potato Head.
Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen to what you are saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the X-Files.
Mulder: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping. It knows when you're awake.
Scully: But we have no proof.
Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over 27 states. The White House ordered a Condition Red.
Scully: But that was a meteor shower!
Mulder: Officially, maybe. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. Nobody -- not even the zookeeper -- was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist, then the public would stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night.
Scully: Mulder, I ---
Scully: On the roof! It sounded like... a clatter.
Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter....
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Will Christmas Be Saved?
Merry Christmas Is Arrested
A female officer was attempting to interview a woman after being called to a disturbance in Boynton Beach, Florida. However, Merry Christmas began railing at the woman, and not shouting "Happy Holidays," either. Christmas began yelling and refused officers' commands to go inside.
According to the police report, the officer told Christmas to back off. When Christmas did not, the officer attempted to arrest her. Christmas, who was born on December 28, 1964, tried to pull away which forced the officer had to take her down.
Christmas was released with a notice to appear in court.
From SNAFU-ed
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