Blonde moment

Dizzy blond

Hair-raising experience

She must have had a hair-raising experience, and now needs to look good for the cute officer when he shows up.

Joke - Terrible Lunch

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.

The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too.

The blonde opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the triple funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He always made his own lunch."

Joke - Blond Carpenters

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don't you?”

The man said, “I'll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”

“Alright. How long do you need them?”

The customer paused for a minute and said, “I'd better go check.”

After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We're gonna build a house.”

Joke - Blond Golfers

Two blond golfers found themselves at a foggy par three where they could see the flag but not the green. Each hit solid shots.

When they had walked onto the green, they found that one of the balls was six inches from the cup and, after searching for the other one, found that it had gone in the cup. They then spent quite a few minutes trying to decide which of them had hit the hole-in-one. After all, both were hitting Titleist number threes. They decided, finally, to ask the club pro for a ruling.

After congratulating the two men on their magnificent shots - and after being told that both men were playing the same brand and numbered gold ball - he said, “I think I can work this out. Which one of you was playing the yellow ball?”

Joke - The Blonde and the Horse

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had neither lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blond attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...

Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say, "Hello".

Joke - Blonde Painter

A blonde, wanting to earn extra money, de­cided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neigh­bors. At the first house, the owner said, "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The young woman said, "How does $50 sound?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes were in the garage. The man's wife overheard the conversation and asked, "Does she realize the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on it."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You've finished al­ready?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied. "And I had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde add­ed, "it's not a Porch. It's a Lexus."

Jokes - Q and A

Q: What does a blonde Owl say?

A: What, what?
----------

Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?



(scroll down for answer)



A: A pool table!

Humor - Inner Blond Test

Inner Blonde Quiz

Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!
--------------------------------------------

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?

2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills taken?

3. I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?

4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?

5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?

6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?

7. A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What colour is the bear?

8. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have?

9. How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark?

10. If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver?
--------------------------------------------

ANSWERS :

1. All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.

2. 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock, they will be taken in 1 hour.

3. 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.

4. 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.

5. 9 live sheep.

6. The match.

7. White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.

8. 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

9. None. It was Noah, not Moses.

10. YOU are the driver.


Grading Scale (out of 10)
10 Genius
9 Mensa Member
8 Engineer
7 Student
6 High school pupil
5 Primary school pupil
4 Teacher
3 College lecturer
2 University lecturer
1 Member of Congress
0 Blonde

Joke Time

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde. The officer asked to see the blonde's driver's license.

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The officer replied, "its square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Joke Time

A salesman telephoned a blonde customer. "Ms. Brown, our company replaced all your windows with triple-glazed models more than a year ago and we still haven't received a single payment."

"But," the blonde protested, "you promised me they'd pay for themselves in 12 months!"

Joke Time

Why did the blond climb onto the roof?

Because someone told her the drinks were on the house.

Blond Joke

What do you call a bottle blonde that belongs to Mensa?

A peroxymoron.

Joke Time

Dan got a frantic call from his blond girlfriend. "I've got a problem," she said.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?"

"A big rooster."

"All right," Dan said. "I'll come over and have a look."

The woman led Dan into her kitchen and showed him the puzzle on the table. "For Pete's sake, Buffy," he exclaimed after he saw it. "Put the cornflakes back in the box."

Joke Time
3 Quickies

Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

If they had four doors, they'd be a chicken sedan.
-----

In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign above the sink that said, "Think!"

The next day, when he went to the men's room, there was another sign above the soap dispenser that said, "Thoap!"
-----

Two women, a blonde and a brunette, were eating breakfast.

A cell phone rang several times. The brunette asked, "Why don't you answer your phone?"

The blonde said, "It can't be mine. No one knows I'm here."

Joke Time

3 quickies

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: One. The rest are all true stories.
---

Q. What do you call an Irishman that stays out all night?

A: Paddy O'Furniture
---

Q: What do you call an Irishman that bounces off the walls?

A: Rick O'Shea

Joke Time

A young blonde woman was on vacation and driving through the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"

The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot 'gator swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. More incredibly, lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs!

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.

The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts, "DAMN IT! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!?"

Joke Time

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, “What’s the story?”

He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”

She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

Joke Time

The blond decides to prove to her husband that she really can take charge and knows what she is doing. So while her husband is off at work, she sets out to paint the living room. She gets to it right away, just as soon as he leaves.

He arrives home at the usual time, and smells right away the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room, and finds his wife, lying on the floor in a small puddle of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket, and a fur coat over top of it.

"Are you okay?" he asks, concerned.

She tells him yes, and so he asks what she is doing.

"I am painting the living room, silly!"

"But why on earth are you wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat?"

"Well, duh! Just look at the instructions on the paint can: FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."