Joke time

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes'."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me, but I have no idea what he's talking about."

Joke time

A couple who had been married for many years wound up in divorce court. The judge asked the husband, "Is it true that during the past three years of your marriage you haven't spoken to your wife?"

The husband replied, "Yes, Your Honor, that is correct."

"And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" the judge inquired.

He replied, "My mother always told me not to interrupt a woman when she's speaking."

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Alimony is the screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Was it good for you too?

The cost of celebrity divorce

Remember the wedding entrance dance on video that went viral a week or so ago? Don't ell me you didn't think there might be a divorce someday. It might look something like this...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Divorce - A New Perspective

Joke - She Wants a Divorce

A married couple was driving down the inter­state when the wife said, "Herb, I want a di­vorce." The husband said nothing but slowly increased his speed. "I've been having an affair with your best friend," she continued, "and he's a better lover than you are. I want the house, the kids, the car, the checking account and the credit cards. Is there anything you want?" she finally asked.

"No, I have everything I need."

"You do?"

Just before they hit a wall at 90 rnph, he replied, "Yep. I've got the air bag."

Joke - Family Feud

A married couple was driving down the inter­state when the wife said, "Herb, I want a di­vorce."

The husband said nothing but slowly increased his speed. "I've been having an affair with your best friend," she continued, "and he's a better lover than you are. I want the house, the kids, the car, the checking account and the credit cards. Is there anything you want?" she finally asked.

"No, I have everything I need."

"You do?"

Just before they hit a wall at 90 rnph, he replied, "Yep. I've got the air bag."

Jokes - 4 Quickies

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.
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Why were hurricanes usually named after women?

Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.

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The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've been divorced three times."

Joke - Time to Divorce

Mrs. Goldstein walked into an attorney's office and told him she wanted to divorce her husband of 58 years.

"Mrs. Goldstein, fifty-tight years is a long time," the lawyer said. "Do you have grounds?"

"Grounds? No grounds. We live in a condominium. We got no grounds."

"No, no. What I mean is, do you nave cause.'" the lawyer asked. "For example, docs he beat you up?"

"What beat me up? I'm up by seven. The bum is still asleep."

"1 mean," the lawyer tried, "is there a special reason to want a divorce now? Do you have a grudge?"

"Sure, we got a grudge. It's robbery what they charge lo park in the grudge."

"Mrs. Goldstein," the exasperated lawyer said, "I have to know why you want a divorce."

"Oh, why didn't you say so?" Mrs. Goldstein scoffed. "I want the divorce because I'm sick to death of Mr. Goldstein telling me we can't communicate."

Joke Time

Dan married one of a pair of identical twins.

Less than a year later he was in court filing for a divorce.Tell the court why you want a divorce," the judge said.

"Well, Your Honor," Dan started, "every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical, sometimes I'd end up making love to her by mistake."

"Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said.

"Exactly, Your Honor. That's why I want the divorce."