It's The Nuts

Joke - Take Me Out To The Ballgame

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts," and the patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts," and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts," and they all started booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"

The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this vendor walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"

Chestnuts Roasting?

The Annual International Chess Championship was being held in St Paul Minnesota at the beautiful St Paul Hotel.

The first night there was a reception in the lobby with platters of hors devours and champagne flowing freely.

Soon the guests started get tipsy and loud. Chekov stated "Well when I won the Moscow Invitational I defeated my opponent in 26 moves."

Not to be outdone, Chermarski stated loudly, "When I won the San Francisco Invitational, I won in 18 moves."

Finally Fischer loudly said, “That’s child’s play, when I won the New York championship, I won in exactly in 7 moves, which is why I am the grand champion."

All of a sudden the manager barges in and says, "I'll have to ask all of you gentlemen to leave immediately."

Stunned they asked him why. He replied, "We do not allow chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."