The Preacher (Joke)

The preacher was dissatisfied with how little his congregation put in the collection plates on Sundays, so he learned hypnosis. He began preaching his sermons in a monotone. He swung a watch slowly in front of the lectern, and at the end of the sermon he said, "Give!" and the collection plate was full of twenty-do11ar bills. It worked for weeks.

The congregation sat mesmerized during the sermon, staring at the watch swinging, and when he said, "Giye!" they gave everything they had.

Then one Sunday, at the end of the sermon, the chain on the watch broke, and the preacher said, "Oh, crap!"

Joke time

I was talking to my preacher and noticed he had cut himself shaving, so I asked him about it.

He said he was concentrating on his sermon while shaving, and had nicked his chin.

I thought about that during the service.

After he was done, I stood in line to greet him after the service.

I told him that I thought about what he had said.

"And...?" he replied.

I told him next time, he should concentrate on what he was doing, and cut his sermon instead.

Joke time

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?'