Never Play Golf With Your Spouse

A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway. Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife 'Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine.'

The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said 'That's OK, Sweetheart' and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in. His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.

Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker. He took the ball out of the hole and, while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, 'Honey,that was a bogey, and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole.'

To which she replied, 'Listen, don't bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine.'

Joke Time

A woman who had just had a fight with her husband was walking through the woods when she came across a leprechaun caught in a trap.

The leprechaun said, "If you release me, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the leprechaun, who said, "Thank you. You now have three wishes. And whatever you wish for; your husband will get 10 times over."

The woman said, "I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world."

The leprechaun warned her; "Your husband will be the most handsome man in the world. Women will flock to him."

The woman replied, "That's OK. I trust my husband."

So, poof - she became the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The leprechaun said, "That will make your husband 10 times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's OK. We'll share our money."

So, poof – she became the richest woman in the world.

The leprechaun then inquired about her third wish. She answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Joke Time

When a terrible car wreck left Marsha's hus­band badly injured, her best friend rushed to be by her side. "Does the doctor think he's go­ing to make it?" the friend asked.

"I don't know," Marsha replied.

"Didn't she tell you what the chances were?"

"Yeah, she told me to prepare for the worst,” Marsha said. "And damned if she hasn't got me guessing."