Computer, Tech and Internet humor

Computer and Technology humor

Ten Tech Commandments

Humor - High-Tech Redneck

You might be a high-tech redneck if ...

Your e-mail address ends in "@over.yonder.com."

You connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page".

If the bumper sticker on your truck says, "My other computer is a laptop".

Your laptop has a sticker that says, "Protected by Smith and Wesson".

You have ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

Your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.

You wire your network with jumper cables.

Your wife said either she or the computer had to go, and you still don't miss her.

You have ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your drink on.

You ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy".

Three Words: Daisy Duke Screensaver.

You start all your e-mails with the words, "Howdy y'all."

Your spellchecker knows words like, "Y'all", "Yonder", and "Reckon."

Your cars sit in the yard because your garage is full of dead CPUs, printers, modems and monitors.

Your belt buckle is made from a dead 3.5" hard drive.

You ever felt you had to move your computer desk so it didn't block the velvet picture of Elvis.

Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.

Smith & Wesson ... the original point 'n click interface.

When your friends comment on your "nice boots" and you say, "Yeah, thanks. It is my spiffy, new Phoenix BIOS."

When your wife catches you again with your "Farm Animals of the Orient" CD-ROM.

When you order your new pickup truck with a gunrack and PCMCIA sockets.

Your PC Games collection consists of nothing but Bass Fishing tournament games.

You only buy from GateWay, because the cow-colored boxes are a hoot.

Computer Tech Humor

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one.
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good. I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet! It's still on my desk. Sorry.
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Tech support: Click on the My Computer icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello. I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on Start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me. I'm not Bill Gates!
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon. This is Martha and I can't print. Every time I try, it says "Can't Find Printer." I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
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Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah! Thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah, that one does work.
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter "V" as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry. Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: Okay and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.
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Tech support: Okay, Bob, let's press the Control and Escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now, type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a "P."
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P," on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'm not going to do that!