Computer Tech Humor

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one.
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good. I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet! It's still on my desk. Sorry.
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Tech support: Click on the My Computer icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello. I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on Start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me. I'm not Bill Gates!
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon. This is Martha and I can't print. Every time I try, it says "Can't Find Printer." I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
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Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah! Thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah, that one does work.
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter "V" as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry. Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: Okay and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.
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Tech support: Okay, Bob, let's press the Control and Escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now, type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a "P."
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P," on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'm not going to do that!