This blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots a blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field. "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?"
The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds,"Because it is an ocean of wheat."
She blonde standing on the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field. "It is blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name."
The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again.
The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself and shook her fist at the blonde in the field yelling, "If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your ass!"
Friday, April 06, 2007
Joke - She Wants a Divorce
A married couple was driving down the interstate when the wife said, "Herb, I want a divorce." The husband said nothing but slowly increased his speed. "I've been having an affair with your best friend," she continued, "and he's a better lover than you are. I want the house, the kids, the car, the checking account and the credit cards. Is there anything you want?" she finally asked.
"No, I have everything I need."
"You do?"
Just before they hit a wall at 90 rnph, he replied, "Yep. I've got the air bag."
"No, I have everything I need."
"You do?"
Just before they hit a wall at 90 rnph, he replied, "Yep. I've got the air bag."
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Fun Photos
He's reading a scorching story about a fire in a senior citizen's home! 
How could all three of these guys have a bad day at the same time?
I'm sure I read somewhere that a train can travel straight with just one wheel on the track. Didn't I?
Fleas can be a real pain in the ass!
Now here's a well-trained hunter - wear red so you don't get shot - and look for a place where the deer cross an opening so you can get off a good shot!Joke - The Commandments
A Sunday school teacher w as discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Video - Can't Drive
Eddie Griffin is making a movie and crashes a million dollar car into a cement wall. Here's the news story.
Joke - Federal Agent
A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer , telling him, "I need to inspect your farm."
The old farmer said "OK, but don't go in that field right over yonder."
The Agriculture representative went red in the face and lectured, "Sir, I have the authority of the U.S. Government behind me. See this ID card? It means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any agricultural land -- no questions asked or answered. Do you understand!?"
The farmer nodded politely and went about his chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Ag Rep running for the fence. Close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets, and was gaining on the government man at every step.
"Help! HELP!" the Aggie screamed.
The old farmer called out, "Show him your ID card! Show him your ID card!!"
The old farmer said "OK, but don't go in that field right over yonder."
The Agriculture representative went red in the face and lectured, "Sir, I have the authority of the U.S. Government behind me. See this ID card? It means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any agricultural land -- no questions asked or answered. Do you understand!?"
The farmer nodded politely and went about his chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Ag Rep running for the fence. Close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets, and was gaining on the government man at every step.
"Help! HELP!" the Aggie screamed.
The old farmer called out, "Show him your ID card! Show him your ID card!!"
Web Link - The Almighty Cleanse
Having problems going? Here's a link to a pretty funny web site on a solution to your problems. Just click on the image.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Joke - Getting Older
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
Joke - Class Photo
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher: she's dead."
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher: she's dead."
Monday, April 02, 2007
Joke - Blood Rushes
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
Photo Fun
The perfect use for "safety pins."
I wonder if that tastes like bacon?
When I'm bored and wondering what I could do to make life more interesting, one of the first things to come to mind is sticking a lamp through my cheek!
At least, if you're going to stick things through your cheek, a bunch of knives are sharp and will help open the hole in your cheek!
Sappy Story
A Nice Story.....
*THE OLD PHONE*
When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall.
The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an
amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.
I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.
"Information."
"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.
"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.
I said I could.
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for
help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, "Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."
Somehow I felt better. Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."
"Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?" I asked.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was
nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle.
I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown Operator and said, "Information Please"
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
"Information."
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell
me how to spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls." I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
"Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered
"Information." I asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said. "Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working
part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?"
"Yes." I answered.
"Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called.
Let me read it to you. The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean."
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Whose life have you touched today?
*THE OLD PHONE*
When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall.
The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an
amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.
I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.
"Information."
"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.
"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.
I said I could.
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for
help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, "Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."
Somehow I felt better. Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."
"Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?" I asked.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was
nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle.
I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown Operator and said, "Information Please"
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
"Information."
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell
me how to spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls." I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
"Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered
"Information." I asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said. "Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working
part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?"
"Yes." I answered.
"Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called.
Let me read it to you. The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean."
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Whose life have you touched today?
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Fun Photos
What kind of a rant do you suppose SHE's on? 
The hairdo for getting around town.
She's a bit worried - she can't find her eyes!
Lindsay Lohan - she can't remember - is she wearing underwear today?
Joke - Deception
Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."
His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you."
They embraced and kissed, and everything was fine until they got to the seventeenth tee.
As the husband was starting his back swing his wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me your news. Since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also: 32 years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."
The husband froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.
He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies tees!"
His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you."
They embraced and kissed, and everything was fine until they got to the seventeenth tee.
As the husband was starting his back swing his wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me your news. Since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also: 32 years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."
The husband froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.
He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies tees!"
Videos
Sometimes, on icy roads, there's not much you can do...
This cat loves a good paddling...
This poor guy is stopped for a DUI test - and fails.
This cat loves a good paddling...
This poor guy is stopped for a DUI test - and fails.
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