Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Will Christmas Be Saved?
Merry Christmas Is Arrested
A female officer was attempting to interview a woman after being called to a disturbance in Boynton Beach, Florida. However, Merry Christmas began railing at the woman, and not shouting "Happy Holidays," either. Christmas began yelling and refused officers' commands to go inside.
According to the police report, the officer told Christmas to back off. When Christmas did not, the officer attempted to arrest her. Christmas, who was born on December 28, 1964, tried to pull away which forced the officer had to take her down.
Christmas was released with a notice to appear in court.
From SNAFU-ed
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Bubba Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, Ohio, Louisiana or Alabama on Christmas Eve.Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words " Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as"Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
----Santa
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Objects
Two former college roommates met at a bar to
catch up on each other's lives. "So how's it going
with the ladies?" one of the men asked the other.
"Women to me are nothing but sex objects," the
other answered.
"Really?" asked the first.
"Yeah," the other replied. "Every time I ask for
sex, they object."
Buffalo Bills Scare
Buffalo Bills football practice was delayed nearly
two hours late this morning after a player reported finding
an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.
Head coach Perry Fewell immediately suspended
practice while police and federal agents were called to
investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts
determined that the white substance, unknown to the players,
was the goal line.
Practice was resumed this afternoon after special
agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the
substance again.
two hours late this morning after a player reported finding
an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.
Head coach Perry Fewell immediately suspended
practice while police and federal agents were called to
investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts
determined that the white substance, unknown to the players,
was the goal line.
Practice was resumed this afternoon after special
agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the
substance again.
Because I said so
This image is animated here at home, but I don't think it's going to work that way posted here on the blog.
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Amazing Dancers
The real fun begins about 1 minute in...
In this classic footage from 1944, the Ross sisters, Aggie, Maggie and Elmira, sing and contort all over the place.
In this classic footage from 1944, the Ross sisters, Aggie, Maggie and Elmira, sing and contort all over the place.
5 Christmas Funnies
You can click on any image to view larger.
You must have been really bad!
They're coming to get their gifts back!
Be careful what you buy her.
The boys are still recovering
from a day of building this tree.
from a day of building this tree.
Santa's sleigh needs an update.
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