Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Hell of a joke
A man dies and goes to hell. He is sitting around on a piece of brimstone depressed. The devil walks by and asks him what is wrong.
The man says, "What do you mean what is wrong? I'm dead! I'm in hell! I'm depressed, ok?"
The devil says, "Look we get a lot of bad press down here, things aren't as bad as they appear. Let me ask you, do you like to eat?"
The man says, "Sure, everyone likes to eat."
The devil says, "You are going to love Monday's! Best gourmet food, fast food, anything you want! Eat as much as you want! What's going to happen? Heart attack? You're dead already."
The man says, "Well, that's not so bad."
Then the devil asks him, "Do you like to drink?"
The mans replies, "Well, sure."
The devil says, "You're going to love Tuesday! Best wine, scotch whiskey, bourbon, anything you want! Drink until you pass out, sober up and drink again. What's going to happen? Psoriasis of the liver? Your dead, you're here man!"
Then the devil asks the man, "Do you like to gamble?" the man says, "Well yea, sometimes. "
The devil says, "Wednesdays! You are really going to enjoy Wednesdays! Blackjack, poker, slot machines, anything you want! Bet a million on the horses; lose a million, who cares! You ain't going bankrupt, you dead! You're in hell!"
The man is getting pretty excited by now and says, "Man, this is sounding pretty good!"
The devil than ask, "Do you like to do drugs?"
The man looks a bit sheepish and says, "Well, sometimes".
The devil says, "Man, Thursdays are your days! Snort cocaine, shoot up heroine, and smoke a joint the size of a submarine, whatever you want! What's going to happen? You going to overdose and die? You are here already!"
The man is jumping up and down with excitement; "This is like Las Vegas on steroids!" he says!
The devil said, "Yep, told you, we get a lot of bad press down here".
The devil then asks, "Um, are you gay?"
The man says, "Well, no, I'm not".
The devil says, "Oh man, you may hate Fridays".
The man says, "What do you mean what is wrong? I'm dead! I'm in hell! I'm depressed, ok?"
The devil says, "Look we get a lot of bad press down here, things aren't as bad as they appear. Let me ask you, do you like to eat?"
The man says, "Sure, everyone likes to eat."
The devil says, "You are going to love Monday's! Best gourmet food, fast food, anything you want! Eat as much as you want! What's going to happen? Heart attack? You're dead already."
The man says, "Well, that's not so bad."
Then the devil asks him, "Do you like to drink?"
The mans replies, "Well, sure."
The devil says, "You're going to love Tuesday! Best wine, scotch whiskey, bourbon, anything you want! Drink until you pass out, sober up and drink again. What's going to happen? Psoriasis of the liver? Your dead, you're here man!"
Then the devil asks the man, "Do you like to gamble?" the man says, "Well yea, sometimes. "
The devil says, "Wednesdays! You are really going to enjoy Wednesdays! Blackjack, poker, slot machines, anything you want! Bet a million on the horses; lose a million, who cares! You ain't going bankrupt, you dead! You're in hell!"
The man is getting pretty excited by now and says, "Man, this is sounding pretty good!"
The devil than ask, "Do you like to do drugs?"
The man looks a bit sheepish and says, "Well, sometimes".
The devil says, "Man, Thursdays are your days! Snort cocaine, shoot up heroine, and smoke a joint the size of a submarine, whatever you want! What's going to happen? You going to overdose and die? You are here already!"
The man is jumping up and down with excitement; "This is like Las Vegas on steroids!" he says!
The devil said, "Yep, told you, we get a lot of bad press down here".
The devil then asks, "Um, are you gay?"
The man says, "Well, no, I'm not".
The devil says, "Oh man, you may hate Fridays".
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Miracle on the Hudson (video)
Air traffic controller recording and animation of this remarkable event.
Funny talk
Stupid celebrity quotes
Britney Spears
“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”
“I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”
Jessica Simpson
“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘chicken by the sea’.”
Tara Reid
“I’m sounding worse than Jessica Simpson right now. She’s looking like a rock scientist.”
Christina Aguilera
“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”
Alicia Silverstone
“I think that the film ‘Clueless’ was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.”
Justin Bieber
“German? I don’t know what that means … we don’t say that in America.”
Tyra Banks
“I close my eyes while driving and just sing along. I always open them again in time.”
Donald Trump
“If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s Big Business.”
Axl Rose
“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”
Naomi Campbell
“I look at [modeling] as something I’m doing for black people in general.”
Kanye West
“My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”
Mariah Carey
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
Paris Hilton
“What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff?”
Brooke Shields
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
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