Joke Time - Bible Story

Timmy was a five year old boy. His mother loved him very much. A worrier, she was concerned when he started kindergarten about his walking to school . She walked him to school for a couple of days, but one day he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like the "big boys."

She had an idea how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, to follow her son surreptitiously to school, at a distance that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him.

Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler, Marcy, she would do it. Anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well.

The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and Marcy set out behind Timmy as he walked to school with another boy.

She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's friend noticed that a lady was following them every day all week. Finally, he asked Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us? Do you know her?"

Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."

"Well, who is she?"

"Shirley Goodnest?"

"Who the heck is she, and why is she following us?"

"Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm 'cuz she worries about me so much. And the psalm says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life,' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it."

Joke - Bible Sales

The minister realized his Church was getting into serious financial trouble. However, while checking the Church storeroom, he discovered dozens of cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the Church.

Peter, Paul and Louis all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louis, who was a local farmer who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment -- poor Louis stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here s the $200 I collected for the Church."

"Fine job, Peter!" the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you." Turning to Paul he said, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the Church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles for the Church, and here is the $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That s absolutely splendid, Paul! You are truly a professional salesman and the Church is also indebted to you." Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louis and said, "And Louis, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?"

Louis silently offered the minister a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents.

"What is this!?" the minister exclaimed. "Louis, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the Church, door to door, in just one week?"

Louis just nodded.

"That s impossible!" Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could!"

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louis."

Louis shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louis, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied," W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks or wo-wo-would yo-you J-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read It t-to y-y-you?"

Joke Time

While visiting the homes of his parishioners, a new pastor discovered that, at one house, although it was obvious someone was at home, no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. So he took out a business card and wrote Revelation 3:20 on the back, and stuck it in the door.

The following Sunday, he discovered that his card had been returned in the collection plate, with a note written below his: Genesis 3:10.


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Revelation 3:20 begins:
Behold, I stand at the door and knock.

Genesis 3:10 reads:
I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.