Monday, December 07, 2009
Christmas Story
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Atlanta and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”
She calls Chicago immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own way.”
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Cute Kitty Video
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Some People Are Just Nuts
In Alabama: Jesus Christ dumped from jury pool for disruption.
Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn't live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week. The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones's courtroom for a criminal case Monday.
Court officials told The Birmingham News Tuesday that the 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive and kept asking questions instead of answering them.
Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.
Court administrator Sandra Turner said people there were shocked when the woman insisted her name was Jesus Christ and some potential jurors laughed out loud when her name was called.
Shown here is just a random female Savior. It's not the lady in Birmingham.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
You Know Publisher's Enhance Photos - Don't You?
Before ..................................... After
Quite a difference, ey?
HERE's a link to a site with several more examples of the photo manipulation.
I Didn't Know That...
Things you never knew had names
1. AGLET – The plain or 
ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace.
2. ARMSAYE – The armhole in clothing.
3. CHANKING – Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits.
4. COLUMELLA NASI – The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils.
5. DRAGÉES – Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes.
6. FEAT – A dangling curl of hair.
7. FERRULE – The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place.
8. HARP – The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade.
9. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER – A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.)
10. JARNS,
11. NITTLES,
12. GRAWLIX,
13. and QUIMP – Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books.
14. KEEPER – The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle.
15. KICK or PUNT – The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity.
16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a graduate’s academic hood.
17. MINIMUS – The little finger or toe.
18. NEF – An ornamental stand in the shape of a ship.
19. OBDORMITION – The numbness caused by pressure on a nerve; when a limb is ‘asleep’.
20. OCTOTHORPE – The symbol ‘#’ on a telephone handset. Bell Labs’ engineer Don Macpherson created the word in the 1960s by combining octo-, as in eight, with the name of one of his favourite athletes, 1912 Olympic decathlon champion Jim Thorpe.
21. OPHRYON – The space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets.
22. PEEN – The end of a hammer head opposite the striking face.
23. PHOSPHENES – The lights you see when you close your eyes hard. Technically the luminous impressions are due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball.
24. PURLICUE – The space between the thumb and extended forefinger.
25. RASCETA – Creases on the inside of the wrist.
26. ROWEL – The revolving star on the back of a cowboy’s spurs.
27. SADDLE – The rounded part on the top of a matchbook.
28. SCROOP – The rustle of silk.
29. SNORKEL BOX – A mailbox with a protruding receiver to allow people to deposit mail without leaving their cars.
30. SPRAINTS – Otter dung.
31. TANG – The projecting prong on a tool or instrument.
32. WAMBLE – Stomach rumbling.
33. ZARF – A holder for a handleless coffee cup.
How Old ARE You?
Tiger Woods Jokes
Tiger Woods crashed his car near his home in the Orlando Florida area. Isn’t it about time for some Tiger jokes?
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars.
Now he has a hole in one.
I finally out-drove Tiger Woods.
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball?
Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
it’s really not that surprising. everyone knows driving is the worst part of his game.
Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Tiger Woods just announced that he is enrolling in Chris Brown’s school of self-defense.
He should have used a driver …
What do a golf ball and an SUV have in common? Tiger Woods drives both into trees on occasion.
Hollywood is making a film based on this incident:
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.
What’s the difference between Tiger’s Cadillac and his pitching wedge?
He can back up his pitching wedge!