Friday, February 05, 2010
Good News For Toyota Owners
TOKYO (The Borowitz Report) – Embattled automaker Toyota today said that despite problems with accelerators and brakes, the cup holders on its most popular car models were “perfectly safe to use.”
“Feel free to enjoy the beverage of your choice and know that you can rest it in one of our cup holders with confidence,” said Tokyo spokesman Hiroshi Kyosuke. “Our cup holders are world-class.”
But Mr. Kyosuke’s upbeat comments about Toyota’s cup holders were undercut somewhat later in the day by congressional testimony from Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood.
“You should only feel safe to use your cup holder if your Toyota is parked in your driveway,” Mr. LaHood said. “At 80 miles per hour, the cup holder becomes a rocket launcher.”
“Feel free to enjoy the beverage of your choice and know that you can rest it in one of our cup holders with confidence,” said Tokyo spokesman Hiroshi Kyosuke. “Our cup holders are world-class.”
But Mr. Kyosuke’s upbeat comments about Toyota’s cup holders were undercut somewhat later in the day by congressional testimony from Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood.
“You should only feel safe to use your cup holder if your Toyota is parked in your driveway,” Mr. LaHood said. “At 80 miles per hour, the cup holder becomes a rocket launcher.”
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Getting "'technical."
Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear.
When she finished, she explained, 'That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'
The older woman felt very low -tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said.........'Well, will you look at that....I'm getting a fax!"
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear.
When she finished, she explained, 'That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'
The older woman felt very low -tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said.........'Well, will you look at that....I'm getting a fax!"
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Monday, February 01, 2010
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