Brotherly love-tap

Funny talk

Stupid celebrity quotes

Britney Spears

“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”

“I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

Jessica Simpson

“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘chicken by the sea’.”

Tara Reid

“I’m sounding worse than Jessica Simpson right now. She’s looking like a rock scientist.”

Christina Aguilera

“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”

Alicia Silverstone

“I think that the film ‘Clueless’ was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.”

Justin Bieber

“German? I don’t know what that means … we don’t say that in America.”

Tyra Banks

“I close my eyes while driving and just sing along. I always open them again in time.”

Donald Trump

“If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s Big Business.”

Axl Rose

“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”

Naomi Campbell

“I look at [modeling] as something I’m doing for black people in general.”

Kanye West

“My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”

Mariah Carey

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

Paris Hilton

“What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff?”

Brooke Shields

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” 

A visual history lesson (video)

Walmart draws a special type of customer

Bling - not so new

Inspiration to become a heavy drinker

Gorilla reunion

He's sporting a 6-pack.

Liquid earth

Awkward

White women's workout (video)

White Women's Workout - watch more funny videos

Fly fishing

Pilot joke

A C-130 freight airplane was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 pilot flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" -- and he promptly went into a barrel role, followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive. But watch this!"

The C-130 droned on for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on the radio and said, "What did you think of that?"

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the hell did you do?"

The C-130 pilot chuckled and said, "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun."

When you're young and foolish, speed and flash may seem a good thing. When you get older and smarter, comfort and dull is not such a bad thing!

Christmas Quotes

Christmas Quotes

from Miss Cellania by Miss Cellania

 

I once bought my kids batteries for Christmas with a note saying, toys not included. -Bernard Manning

I was so poor growing up, if I hadn’t been a boy I’d have had nothing to play with on Christmas Day. -Rodney Dangerfield
If God had meant Christmas to be a family occasion He wouldn’t have invented TV, would He? -Rory McGrath

A dog is for life, not just for Christmas. So be careful at the office Christmas party. -Jimmy Carr

I saw a guy driving down Hollywood Boulevard with a tree on his bumper and I said: ‘Getting ready for Christmas?’ He said: ‘No, teaching the wife how to drive.’ -Bob Hope

At the office party you’re supposed to sit naked on top of the photocopier, not the shredder. -David Letterman

Roses are reddish, violets are bluish, if it wasn’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish. -Benny Hill

Excerpted from The Star, where you'll find even more. (via Fark)

Who is really singing?

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy with Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly from Will Ferrell

Simple Home Remedies

THESE REALLY WORK!! I checked these out on Snapes and they

        really, really work!!!

  

 

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

---

AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP THEM.

AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LOWERING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
(I think this one came from RED GREEN)

IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

---

DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

Earthquakes

Earthquakes: explained so you can remember!

It might be well to be a bit knowledgeable about earthquakes in case someone asks or wants to know more about them.  

Since science was my chosen profession for 35 years, I might be a bit more able than most to explain it.

In hopes of a "knowing" society, I present this.

 What's the difference between

an oscillatory and a trepidatory earthquake? 

 1. This calculation is just for engineers:

This is a trepidatory earthquake:

This is an oscillatory earthquake:

And this is a combination of both: (trepidatory and oscillatory)

    
Science is beautiful when it is well explained...

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

from Miss Cellania by Miss Cellania

1 person liked this

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and ...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me!

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy ... oooh look at the Froggy ... can I have a chocolate ... why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...
Well, they disturbed me!

Image by Hometown Invasion Tour.

Post lifted from Miss Cellania's blog

Joke (travelling salesman)

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Some fun cartoons