Should the Surgeon General of the U.S. ever decide to have warning labels placed on alcoholic beverages, much as they are now placed on cigarettes, here are some he might wish to consider...
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing with lampshades.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until even your friends may start considering violent measures.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings likethish.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 a.m.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering just what happened to your pants.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you cannot remember).
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead and knees.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think that people are laughing with you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
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