A couple of dillies

Dick: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
Rick: You got me, Dick. What?
Dick: A stick.


Mom, guess what! I made 100 in two subjects!
Wonderful. Which two subjects?
Forty in Spelling. And 60 in Reading.

Joke Time - 3 Dillies

What's the difference between the govern­ment and the Mafia?

One of them is organized.
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Two cows were standing next to each other in a field. One cow said to the other, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

The other said, "I don't believe you!"

The first cow said, "It's true. No bull."
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What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

Outlaws are wanted.

Jokes - 3 Dillies

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
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What do you get when you play a country music song backward?
You get your wife back, you get your job back, you stop drinking ...
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What does it mean when the flag's at half mast at the post office?
They're hiring.

Jokes - 3 Dillies

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter what you call him--he ain’t gonna come.

Jokes - 3 Dillies

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.
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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

Jokes - 3 Dillies

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalog.
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How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We'll just declare darkness the new standard.
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What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
I am ewe.

Jokes - 3 Dillies

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
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How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
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How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment.”

Three Dillies

Did you hear about the guy who ran through the screen door?
He strained himself.

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
The survivors were marooned.

Did you hear about the two silkworms that had a race?
It ended up in a tie.

Jokes - 3 Dillies

Q. What's the difference between a Jewish Mother and a Rottweiler?

A: Eventually the Rottweiler lets go.
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?

A pachydermatologist.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

Jokes - 3 Dillies

How does a spoiled blonde girl change a lightbulb?

She whines, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
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How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.
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How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

Jokes - 3 Dillies

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
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What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids.
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What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?

"Dam".

Jokes - A Couple of Dillies

A family from Maine was visiting relatives in Georgia one summer. The little boy from Maine was playing with his cousin, a little girl. Since it was so hot, they stripped and waded in the creek for a while.

As they were sunning themselves afterward, the little girl drawled, "Ya know, Ah never knew there was such a diff'rence between you Yankees and us South'ners."
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"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?"

"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'", was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."

Jokes - 3 Dillies

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.
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Q: What does a blonde Owl say?

A: What, what?
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A doctor, about to give a speech at the local American Medical Association dinner, finds he cannot read his own writing. So he quickly asks: "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

Jokes - 3 Dillies

"What would you do if you bought a girlie magazine and found your wife's picture in it?"

"Get my money back."
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She sent her picture to a lonely hearts' club, but they weren't that lonely.
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"Why can't a man who lives in the United States be buried in Canada?"

"Because he's not dead."