Joke time

A young doctor was to take up his new position in a small community hospital in a town.

The retiring older doctor suggested the young one to accompany him on his rounds for a couple of weeks to understand the finer points of practice in a small community and at the same time for him to meet a few patients.

At the first visit to a farmers house the farmer's wife complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The senior doctor thought for a moment or two and said, 'Well I think you've probably been eating too many bananas , try to cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that helps"

As they left the young doctor was absolutely surprised and asked his senior , "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you make your diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. I dropped my stethoscope on the floor by mistake and when I bent over to pick it up guess what I saw in the trash bin - at least half dozen banana peels. That was what was probably making her sick."

"Oh" the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever, maybe I'll try that at our next house visit".

The next day they did another house visit.. Both spent several minutes talking with a young pretty lady who was complaining of lack of energy and tiredness for the past few days for no real reason. She said, "Doc, I'm feeling terribly run down lately, I don't know why."

The older doctor said, "Oh, I can't understand why someone as young and vibrant as you would be feeling this way."

The young doctor on this responded, "I think, sir, there might be a reason. She has probably been doing too much work for the church and perhaps if she cut back a little bit and slept a little more that might help."

The girl went slightly red and said nothing and just nodded.

As they left, the senior doc surprised at this said, "Your diagnosis is possibly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

"Well, just like you did at the last house, I also dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to pick it up, guess what I saw?"

"What did you see?"

"I noticed the preacher under the bed!!"

Joke time

The patient didn't have any obvious symptoms, but the distraught patient insisted on an examination. He told the doctor to listen to his leg!

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" The doctor asked.

"That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee."

The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 dollars, just lend me 10 bucks!!"

"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.

"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.

The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, just 5 bucks. PLEASE, if you will."

"I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places."

Joke time...

A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confessed, "Well, yes, but never with a tulip"

Joke Time

After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96-year-old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.

"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."

"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else obviously shot the bear."

"My point exactly," the doctor replied.

Getting his physical

Joke time

After extensive testing, a doctor told his patient he had some bad news.

"Unfortunately you've got Alzheimer's and cancer," the doctor said.

To which the man replied, "Well, thank God I don't have Alzheimer's!"

Too much alcohol

I can't find a cause for your illness," a doctor said during a consultation. "Frankly, I think it may be due to drinking."

"In that case," replied his patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."

Doctors in surgery...

A few more Doctor jokes

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: Ninety dollars.

Patient: Ninety dollars for just a few minutes' work?
Dentist: I can do it slower if you like.

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"Doctor, am I going to die?"
"That's the last thing you're going to do."

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"Doctor, my fingers hurt. Do you think I should file my nails?"

"No, just throw them away."

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Patient: Doctor, every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

Doctor: Are you taking anything for it?

Patient: Ground pepper!

Three dumb doctor jokes

The doctor calls up the patient and says, "I have some bad news and some worse news. The bad news is that you have only twenty-four hours left to live."

And the patient says, "That is very bad news-. What could be worse than that?"

And the doctor says, "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."

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"What's wrong, Doctor? You look puzzled."

"I can't figure out exactly what's wrong with you. I think it's the result of heavy drinking."

"Well then, I'll just come back when you're sober."

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"Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I hurt all over. If I touch my shoulder here, it hurts, and if I touch my leg here, it hurts, and if I touch my head here, it hurts, and if I touch my foot here, it hurts."

"I believe you've broken your finger."

At the doctor's office I overheard this conversation...

"I have terrible news, Mr. Larson. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer's."

"Well, Doctor, at least I don't have cancer."

Doctor Joke

Doctor: "Sir, could you pay for an operation if I thought one was required?"

Patient: "Would you think one was required if I couldn't pay for it?"

How To Save Your Change

From Chuck's Fun Page 2

The Blood Test

From Chuck's Fun Page 2

Sounds Like a Plan

From Chuck's Fun Page 2

Silly Doctor Joke

Mr. Brown: I keep seeing spots before my eyes.

Mr. Green: Have you ever seen a doctor?

Mr. Brown: No, only spots.

A Small Medical Problem

From Chuck's Fun Page 2

A Quick Little Joke

They tell of a doctor who became insane and turned to kidnapping.

But he was highly unsuccessful: his ransom notes were unreadable.

Getting Even

One old joke that must go back to the Civil War has four nurses talking about how they got even with a doctor they considered an arrogant jerk. "I stuffed cotton in the bottom of his stethoscope," one nurse said. "What a time he's gonna have with patients tomorrow morning."

"And I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees."

"Boy, did I get even with the old bastard," said the third nurse. I opened his desk drawer and found his box of condoms. WELL ... I punched a pinhole in every one of them."

The fourth nurse fainted.

Buford's Got Shingles

Buford walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Buford said Shingles. So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Buford what he had. Buford said Shingles. So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Buford to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford said Shingles. So she gave Buford a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told Buford to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford said Shingles.

The doctor asked Where?

Buford said Outside on the truck. Where do you want 'em?