You've got to see this truck-car accident to believe it!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Humor - Men Bashing
Spring Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Mar. 26, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Mar. 26, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1: How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3: Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5: Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6 : Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7: Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8: Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9: Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10: Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11: Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14: The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Video - Flat Dog
A biker carrying a heavy load falls on a poodle. Funny or tragic?
Biker Falls On Top Of Poodle - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!
Biker Falls On Top Of Poodle - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Joke - Bad Accident
This woman, pregnant with twins, got into an accident, and had been in a coma for a long time. When she awoke, she was hysterical, asking about the welfare of her babies. The nurse assured her the babies were born just fine. The woman wanted to know where her babies were. The nurse informed the woman that her brother had taken them to raise.
The woman says, “Oh my god, my brother’s a total moron. Please tell me he didn’t name them.”
The nurse said, “I’m afraid he did.”
The woman says, “What did he name them?”
The nurse says, “Hmm, the girl, he named Denise.”
The woman thinks for a bit, and says, “Denise, that’s a nice name. What did he name the boy?”
The nurse said, “Denephew!”
The woman says, “Oh my god, my brother’s a total moron. Please tell me he didn’t name them.”
The nurse said, “I’m afraid he did.”
The woman says, “What did he name them?”
The nurse says, “Hmm, the girl, he named Denise.”
The woman thinks for a bit, and says, “Denise, that’s a nice name. What did he name the boy?”
The nurse said, “Denephew!”
Fun Photos
Japanese Beer - at least it's good for something! 
For rational beings, most anything produced by Michael Jackson these days is pretty scary!
"Captain, I think we might have a wee too much weight aboard to take off."
Must be a little faster than she initially thought!Humor - Adults as Kids
The following is a piece from the Boing Boing blog...
Cory Doctorow: Simon Rich's "A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table" in this week's New Yorker is spot-on perfect and hilarious, besides:
MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
Cory Doctorow: Simon Rich's "A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table" in this week's New Yorker is spot-on perfect and hilarious, besides:
MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Video - Stumbles and Falls
Yep, here are some more stumbles, falls, spills, trips - well, you get the idea...
Very Funny - Click here for more amazing videos
Very Funny - Click here for more amazing videos
Joke - Feeling Guilty
Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to Confession. "Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."
Priest: What did you do with the lumber, my son?
Boudreaux: Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm afraid someone will break dey leg, so I fix de hole.
Priest: Well, that's not so bad.
Boudreaux: Well, Father, I had a little lumber left.
Priest: What did you do with it?
Boudreaux: Well, my poor dog, Fideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta de weather, so I made him a doghouse.
Priest: OK, anything else?
Boudreaux: Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So, you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I made a two car garage.
Priest: Now this is getting a little out of hand.
Boudreaux: Well, Father, I had a little lumber left.
Priest: Yes?
Boudreaux: Well, my wife, she always wanted a bigger house. So I added two bedrooms and a new bathroom.
Priest: OK, that's definitely too much. For your penance you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?
Boudreaux: No, Father, but if you got the plans, I got the lumber.
Priest: What did you do with the lumber, my son?
Boudreaux: Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm afraid someone will break dey leg, so I fix de hole.
Priest: Well, that's not so bad.
Boudreaux: Well, Father, I had a little lumber left.
Priest: What did you do with it?
Boudreaux: Well, my poor dog, Fideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta de weather, so I made him a doghouse.
Priest: OK, anything else?
Boudreaux: Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So, you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I made a two car garage.
Priest: Now this is getting a little out of hand.
Boudreaux: Well, Father, I had a little lumber left.
Priest: Yes?
Boudreaux: Well, my wife, she always wanted a bigger house. So I added two bedrooms and a new bathroom.
Priest: OK, that's definitely too much. For your penance you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?
Boudreaux: No, Father, but if you got the plans, I got the lumber.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Joke - Golf
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damn ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Well, hell, man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Well, hell, man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
Humor and Jokes - Marriage
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
-------------------------
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.
-------------------------
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
-------------------------
Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest cheat in Canada.
-------------------------
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
-------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
-------------------------
Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
-------------------------
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
-------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
-------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. -------------------------
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
-------------------------
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
-------------------------
First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
-------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.
The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
-------------------------
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.
-------------------------
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
-------------------------
Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest cheat in Canada.
-------------------------
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
-------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
-------------------------
Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
-------------------------
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
-------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
-------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. -------------------------
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
-------------------------
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
-------------------------
First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
-------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.
video - More Crashes
Lots more crashes and spills in this video.
Unbelievable Crashes!!! - Free videos are just a click away
Unbelievable Crashes!!! - Free videos are just a click away
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Joke - Jewish Mom
Two Jewish mothers meet for coffee. "Well Ruthie, how are the kids?"
"To tell you the truth, my Abe has married a slut! She doesn't get out of bed until 10; she's out all day spending his money on God knows what; and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice, hot dinner for him? No! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
"Oh Ruthie, that's terrible! And Esther?"
"Ah! Esther has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed; he gives her enough money to buy all she needs; and in the evening he takes her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
"To tell you the truth, my Abe has married a slut! She doesn't get out of bed until 10; she's out all day spending his money on God knows what; and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice, hot dinner for him? No! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
"Oh Ruthie, that's terrible! And Esther?"
"Ah! Esther has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed; he gives her enough money to buy all she needs; and in the evening he takes her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
Video - Surprise!
Here's an interesting video. Is it funny? Tragic? Scary? You make the call.
Funny Video - Free videos are just a click away
Funny Video - Free videos are just a click away
Humor - Procrastinator's Creed
· I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
· I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
· I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
· I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from having missed them.
· I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
· II truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
· If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
· I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
· I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
· I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
· Have a great Monday ... or just put it off until Tuesday!
· I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
· I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
· I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from having missed them.
· I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
· II truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
· If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
· I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
· I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
· I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
· Have a great Monday ... or just put it off until Tuesday!
Video - Fruitcake Lady
Here's a tribute to the Fruitcake Lady from the Tonight Show. This video is a little longer than I usually publish at 7+ minutes.
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