A young woman took her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner her father asked the young man into his study and began the usual grilling: "So, what are your plans?"
"I am a theology student," replied the young man.
"Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter?"
"I will study, and God will provide," explained the young man.
"And how will you afford to raise children?"
"God will provide."
Later, after the young man had left, the mother asked her husband how it had gone. "He has no money or employment plans," the father said. "But on the other hand, he thinks I am God."
Friday, April 27, 2007
Video - Monkey Suicide
This video features a monkey with a death wish - he teases two young tiger cubs.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Joke - Pig In the Church
The phone rang in the church office early one morning. "May I speak to the head hog at the trough?" a man asked.
"If you're referring to the preacher," the startled secretary replied, "then you may refer to him as Pastor or Brother, hut please don't call him the head hog at the trough!"
"Well," the fellow said, 'I was thinking of donating $100,000 to the building fund, but if you're not interested, I'll just…”
“Hang on," the secretary chirped, "I think the fat pig just walked in!"
"If you're referring to the preacher," the startled secretary replied, "then you may refer to him as Pastor or Brother, hut please don't call him the head hog at the trough!"
"Well," the fellow said, 'I was thinking of donating $100,000 to the building fund, but if you're not interested, I'll just…”
“Hang on," the secretary chirped, "I think the fat pig just walked in!"
Jokes - 3 Dillies
Q: What did the banjo player get on his IQ test?
A: Drool
--------------------
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a machine gun?
A: Eventually, a machine gun stops repeating.
--------------------
Q: How do you get a million dollars by playing the banjo?
A: Start with $2 million
A: Drool
--------------------
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a machine gun?
A: Eventually, a machine gun stops repeating.
--------------------
Q: How do you get a million dollars by playing the banjo?
A: Start with $2 million
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Joke - Starving
A man called his mother in Florida. "How are you doing, Mom?" he asked.
"Not too good," she replied. "I've been very weak."
"Why are you so weak?"
"Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
"For heaven's sake, Mother" he exclaimed. "Why not?"
"Because," she explained, "I didn't want my mouth to be full when you called."
"Not too good," she replied. "I've been very weak."
"Why are you so weak?"
"Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
"For heaven's sake, Mother" he exclaimed. "Why not?"
"Because," she explained, "I didn't want my mouth to be full when you called."
Fun photos
Jimmy had heard that he could get quite a buzz if he played with the wires at the top of the utility pole. 
Jerry thought this might make for a good television show.
I can't do this - can you?
Ed had always dreamed of being a fashion model.Joke - Caught Speeding
The judge fined a motorist $25 for speeding, and gave him a receipt.
"What am I supposed to do with this, frame it?" snapped the driver.
"No, save it," replied the judge. "When you have three, you get a bicycle."
"What am I supposed to do with this, frame it?" snapped the driver.
"No, save it," replied the judge. "When you have three, you get a bicycle."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Joke - At the Pharmacy
A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than every four hours," the pharmacist warns.
To which the patient replies, "Don't worry. It takes me four hours to get the lid off."
To which the patient replies, "Don't worry. It takes me four hours to get the lid off."
Humor
Women's Bumper Stickers
PG-Rated
PG-Rated
SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.
COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.
I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN.
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE.
HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
Video - Girls Fart Too
This young lady passes some gas, seeing no harm...
Girls Fart Too - Free videos are just a click away
Girls Fart Too - Free videos are just a click away
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Video - Sports Funnies
Some assorted funnies and stuff from sports...
Funny Sport Videos - The funniest videos clips are here
Funny Sport Videos - The funniest videos clips are here
Friday, April 20, 2007
Humor - Redneck Church
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the collection plates are hubcaps from a 56 Chevy.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... instead of bells, you are called to service by a duck call.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... that "Thou shall not covet" thing applies to huntin' dogs, too.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the collection plates are hubcaps from a 56 Chevy.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... instead of bells, you are called to service by a duck call.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... that "Thou shall not covet" thing applies to huntin' dogs, too.
Fun Photos
Janna's mother had told her not to eat the cyclops ice cream, but Janna did what she wanted! 
Nick wore these pants only in the hot weather.
Nothing like a beer on a hot day at the beach.
Zeb was practicing just what he had seen the night before in Mom and Dad's room
Clearly, Danny had not though his clever idea all the way through.Humor - Vocabulary Additions
Some new words for your dictionary...
Aquadextrous (akwa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
Carperpetuation (kar 'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
Disconfect (diskonfect') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming that somehow it will 'remove' all the germs.
Elbonics (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Frust (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug .
Lactomangulation (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
Peppier (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
Pupkus (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
Telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
Aquadextrous (akwa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
Carperpetuation (kar 'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
Disconfect (diskonfect') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming that somehow it will 'remove' all the germs.
Elbonics (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Frust (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug .
Lactomangulation (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
Peppier (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
Pupkus (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
Telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Joke - Hotter Than Hades
A young man from Tampa dies, and, unfortunately, goes to Hell. As usual, he's assigned to work in the sulfur pits. Lucifer comes by on a tour one day, and he sees the boy whistling and laughing and enjoying himself. Well, Lucifer walks up to the young man and says "Boy, why are you so happy? Aren't you hot enough?"
The young man answers: "Well, it's sure hot down here, but it reminds me of July back in Tampa."
Lucifer thinks about this for a bit, and decides to raise the temperature in the sulfur pits, just to show the boy who's boss.
Well, he comes on by on tour again a few days later, and finds the boy still laughing and whistling and having a grand old time.
So Lucifer goes up to the boy and says "Boy, I turned the heat up -- why are you so happy?"
The young man smiles and says "Well, sir, it is hotter now than it was, but this isn't any different than a warm day in August. It feels just like home."
So Lucifer goes away, and starts to thinking, and then he gets a big grin on his face. (I'd call it a devilish grin, but that's kind of redundant). Lucifer thinks to himself, "Let's see how that Tampa boy likes the cold." So he goes and turns the heat way down in the sulfur pits, so it gets icy cold, and there's snow and ice everywhere and the winds howling and the tortured souls are getting frozen left and right.
He goes and checks on the boy, and the boy is still laughing -- in fact he seems to be laughing even harder than before. "Boy," says Lucifer. "You were happy when it was hot, and now you're happy that it's cold. Why are you so happy?"
The boy answers, with a big grin on his face. "It's a cold day in Hell! The Bucs must be in the Superbowl!"
The young man answers: "Well, it's sure hot down here, but it reminds me of July back in Tampa."
Lucifer thinks about this for a bit, and decides to raise the temperature in the sulfur pits, just to show the boy who's boss.
Well, he comes on by on tour again a few days later, and finds the boy still laughing and whistling and having a grand old time.
So Lucifer goes up to the boy and says "Boy, I turned the heat up -- why are you so happy?"
The young man smiles and says "Well, sir, it is hotter now than it was, but this isn't any different than a warm day in August. It feels just like home."
So Lucifer goes away, and starts to thinking, and then he gets a big grin on his face. (I'd call it a devilish grin, but that's kind of redundant). Lucifer thinks to himself, "Let's see how that Tampa boy likes the cold." So he goes and turns the heat way down in the sulfur pits, so it gets icy cold, and there's snow and ice everywhere and the winds howling and the tortured souls are getting frozen left and right.
He goes and checks on the boy, and the boy is still laughing -- in fact he seems to be laughing even harder than before. "Boy," says Lucifer. "You were happy when it was hot, and now you're happy that it's cold. Why are you so happy?"
The boy answers, with a big grin on his face. "It's a cold day in Hell! The Bucs must be in the Superbowl!"
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