Cartoons - Maxine

Joke Time

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute of his blind date. He secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grand-mother just died."

"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to."

Sign Time

Joke Time

Bob stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back­swing. Finally his exasperated playing partner asked, "What the hell is taking so long?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Good Lord!" his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

Cartoon Time - Maxine

Joke Time

Worried about his condition, a man went to see his doctor. After conducting a brief exami­nation, the physician quickly spotted the prob­lem. "Arthur; I can't explain this," he said, "but you have marijuana growing out of your nose.

"Did you say marijuana?" the bewildered patient wondered.

"No wonder you're concerned," the doctor soothed.

"Yeah, no kidding," Arthur said. "I planted poppies.”

Sign Time!

Joke Time

(We had our first snow-on-the-ground of the season today...

WINTER POEM The best piece of English literature I've seen in quite a while.....

try to memorize this prose by December as it will help your psychological well-being.....

" WINTER "

a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

"SHIT It's Cold ! "

Cartoon Time - Maxine

Joke Time

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

"It is not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the churchgoer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."

Funny Signs

Joke Time

Each evening the bird lover would stand in his backyard, trying to attract an owl into responding to his attempted owl call -- and one night, to his utter delight, an owl finally hooted back to him. He managed to keep the "conversation" going for over a month of nights. He even kept a log.

In the meantime, his wife was gradually getting to know the neighbors. During an over-the-fence chat, she happened to mention that her husband spent his nights calling out to owls.

"That is odd," replied the neighbor. "So does my husband."

Cartoons - Maxine

Joke Time

A German tourist in New York City walks into a McDonald's and orders a beer.

The guy on cash informs him that they don't serve beer, which really puzzles the German: "You mean people come here for the food?"

Funny Signs

Joke Time

When a terrible car wreck left Marsha's hus­band badly injured, her best friend rushed to be by her side. "Does the doctor think he's go­ing to make it?" the friend asked.

"I don't know," Marsha replied.

"Didn't she tell you what the chances were?"

"Yeah, she told me to prepare for the worst,” Marsha said. "And damned if she hasn't got me guessing."

Cartoon Time

Joke Time

Hollywood executives are working on a new movie about Amelia Earhart's fatal ride over the Pacific.

The working title is Never Finding Land.

Fun Signs

Joke Time

What She Said - What She Meant

"Fine" -- This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

"Five Minutes" -- If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

"Nothing" -- This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

"Go Ahead" -- This is a dare, not permission. Proceed with extreme caution!

Loud Sigh -- Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

"That's OK" -- This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

"Thanks" -- This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it, just say "you're welcome" and back out of the room slowly.