Inclement weather policy

XYZ COMPANY INC.TO:
All XYZ staff
SUBJECT: XYZ's Inclement Weather Policy

Since we have many new staff members who have joined us due to the large number of casualties incurred during the last few weeks, I thought it best that I restate XYZ's Inclement Weather Policy. Basically, the policy is:

1) The building is always open.
2) You are coming to work. There is no way you are getting a day off with pay.
3) In the event hell does freeze over or burn up you can listen to any of the local radio or television stations. In fact you can listen to any radio station or watch any television station you please. What you will find out is that hell is closed, but you are still coming to work.

Once again we ask you to use your best judgment in determining your method of travel. In summer we recommend a canoe, or maybe one of those inflatable rafts. In winter we suggest ice skates, or perhaps a dogsled (those huskies are very sure-footed). Keep in mind, depending on the weather, you have the following three options:

1. Come to work
2. Come to work
3. Come to work

Please feel free to whine about the fact that IBM, GLAXO, Northern Telecom etc. are closed. We don't care. If you have any other questions regarding this policy, we suggest that you find employment elsewhere.

Yours in good health
XYZ Company Inc.,
Employee Relations