Sunday, February 14, 2021

Dated, tasteless (maybe dirty) jokes

Truly tasteless Jokes

Then there were the two rednecks speeding down the highway at one hundred miles per hour. "Hey," asked the driver, "see any cops following us?"


"Shit. Are his flashers on?"

His passenger turned back, thought it over, and answered, "Yup.. . nope. .. yup . .. nope. . . yup. . ."

How can you spot a level-headed redneck?

He drools from both sides of his mouth.

How do you know Batman's a Redneck?

He wears his jockey shorts over his leotards.

Two redneck carpenters were putting siding on a house when one looked over at the other and asked, "Why the hell are you throwing away those nails?"

"Oh," replied the second redneck, "these nails have the heads on the wrong end."

"You dummy," the first redneck yelled, "those are for the other side of the house!"

What's a redneck birth certificate?

A refund from the Trojan rubber company.

Police Captain: "He got away, did he? Didn't I tell you to cover all of the exits?"

Redneck cop: "Yes, sir, I did, sir. But he must have left through one of the entrances."

I once knew a redneck who tried to write "Happy Birthday" on a cake, but he ruined it getting it into the computer printer.

Two rednecks went deer hunting and managed to shoot a big buck. Each grabbed a hind leg, and they were pulling it through the woods when they happened across a game warden. After making sure their hunting licenses were in order, the warden said, "If you don't mind a suggestion, fellas, you'll have an easier time pulling that deer along if you hold it by the antlers instead of the feet."

The rednecks decided he probably knew what he was talking about, so they each took hold of an antler and started off again. "He was right," commented one a few minutes later. "This really is easier."

"Yeah," said his buddy, "but we're getting farther from the truck."

How can you identify a redneck with weak kidneys?

A Rusty zipper and a yellow socks.

Did you hear about the new show starring Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton?

It's called "Rocky Mountains."

What's Prince?

Living proof that Johnny Mathis screwed Michael Jackson.

What's brown and sits in the woods?

Winnie's Pooh.

How do you catch Dolly Parton in the jungle?

Booby traps.

Which hand did Hitler use to wipe himself, his left or his right?

Neither-he used toilet paper. He wasn't THAT crazy.

What's Roman Polanski's favorite song?

"Thank Heaven for Little Girls."

And the runner-up?

"Baby Love."

What's this: "Oooh, ooooh, yes, mmm, yes, mmmmm, mmm, pweeze, yes, yes, oooh, aaaaaaah. . . . Wuz I vewwy good?"

Elmer Fudd with a prostitute.

What do you call a gay bathroom?

Elton John.

Why couldn't Joan of Arc go out with her French boyfriend?

She had a date with a Pole.

What's brown and hides in the attic?

Diarrhea of Anne Frank.

What was Humpty Dumpty's last thought?

"Oh, my God, I'm not wearing clean underwear!"

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