Thursday, February 11, 2021

Old Playboy Party Jokes

 Old Playboy Party Jokes

On 21 shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished.

“Look what I've done, Jess,” he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.

“That's surely somethin’, Willard. How long it take you?”

“Only two weeks.”

“Never done a puzzle myself,"Jess said. “Is two weeks fast?”

“Darn tootin’,” Willard said. “Look at the box. It says, ‘From two to four years.’”

After a truck carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on a country road, the local newspaper reported that onlookers were “stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered and dumbfounded.”

Staking out a notoriously rowdy bar for possible D.U.l. violators, a cop watched from his squad car as a fellow stumbled out the door, tripped on the curb and tried 45 cars before opening the door to his own and falling asleep on the front seat.

One by one, the drivers of the other cars drove off. Finally, the sleeper woke up, started his car and began to leave. The cop pulled him over and administered a Breathalyzer test.

When the results showed a 0.0 blood-alcohol level, the puzzled policeman asked him how that was possible.

“Easy,” was the reply. “Tonight was my turn to be the decoy.”

What do politicians and bull sperm have in common?

Only one in 1000 actually works.

Three uninterested students had just received their grades on a sex-education exam. One got a D-plus, the second a D-minus and the third an F.

“Someday, we’re gonna knock that bitch teacher down,” sneered the first.

“And we‘re gonna strip her,” the second added.

“And kick her in the balls," said the third.

A recent Harvard business graduate landed a plum job in New York. After just a few months, he emailed home to his parents in Kansas: "Made supervisor; feather in my cap."

Six weeks later came another email "Made management, feather in my cap."

A third email followed shortly: "FIRED. Send money for ticket home."

His parents emailed back: "No money necessary. Use feathers."

A laid-back lion was ambling through the jungle one day when he came upon a monkey. Terrified, the monkey scampered up the nearest tree. The lion assured him there wasn't
anything to be afraid of.

“I don’t trust you,” the monkey said. “You’ve been known to eat monkeys.”

“I just ate, honest," the lion said. “I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to be your friend.”

The monkey wasn’t buying it and wouldn’t come down.

“Tell you what," the lion said. “I’ll tie my legs together so I can’t hurt you. OK?”

After watching the lion tie himself up, the monkey cautiously climbed down, shaking like a leaf.

“Why are you shaking like that? My legs are tied up. I can’t hurt you.”

“I know," the monkey said. “It’s just that I never fucked a lion before.”

No comments: