Friday, February 26, 2021

Really bad Dad Jokes

 Hocus: What does a magician say when he's going to change a man into a flea?

Pocus: I don't know. What?

Hocus: Pest-o change-o.
Larry: What did the astronomer say when asked what he thought of falling stars?

Barry: No comet.
 Ralph, the elf: What did Yoda say to Snow White?

Dixie, the pixie: I don’t know. What?

Ralph, the elf: May the dwarfs be with you.
Bill: Did you hear about the kid who dreamed he was a muffler?

Will: No. What happened?

Bill: He woke up exhausted.
Mike: Which is more nutritious, a hamburger or a shooting star?

Ike: A shooting star because it is meteor.
A man walked into a drugstore, and the pharmacist asked him, “May I help you?”

“I need something for the hiccups,” the man replied.

A moment of silence followed, then the pharmacist slapped the man.

“Why did you do that?” the man asked.

“You don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?” the pharmacist replied.

“No,” said the man, “But my wife out in the car still does.”
Gene, the hunter: I just met a great big bear in the woods.

Dean, the hunter: Good! Did you give him both barrels?

Gene, the hunter: The heck with both barrels, I gave him the whole gun.
Tim: Hello, Jim. Fishing?

Jim: Nope, drowning worms.
Lovie, the dove: Did you hear about the bird who stuck his beak in a light socket because he wanted an electric bill?
Kerry Cucumber: What is the first line of a pickle wedding?

Terry Tomato: Dilly beloved, we are gathered together.
Janice: Help! My kid brother just fell into a manhole.

Sandy: What shall I do?

Janice: Hurry! Run to the library and get a book on how to bring up a child.
Traveler: Is that my bus over there?

Ticket agent: Yes. It goes to California in 10 minutes. .

Traveler: My, it goes fast!
Dan: What do you get when you cross a watermelon with Lassie’s Pup?

Joel: I don’t know. What?

Dan: A melon collie baby.
Mike: Do you know how to play baseball?

lke: Yes, of course.

Mike: Then how do you hold a bat?

Ike: By its wings.
Frank: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a dwarf?
N. Stein: I don’t know. What?

Frank: A monster that sucks blood out of your knees.
Nat: Is that a real diamond ring?

Matt: If it isn’t, I've been cheated out of 39 cents.
Bill: How much do used batteries cost?

Jill: Nothing, they're free of charge.
Two women were walking down the street when one said to the other, “Did you know my husband started a cooking show on TV?"

“Oh, how interesting,” said the other woman. “What’s it called?”

“That’s Inedible."

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