Joke Time

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner her father asked the young man into his study and began the usual grilling: "So, what are your plans?"

"I am a theology student," replied the young man.

"Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter?"

"I will study, and God will provide," explained the young man.

"And how will you afford to raise children?"

"God will provide."

Later, after the young man had left, the mother asked her husband how it had gone. "He has no money or employment plans," the father said. "But on the other hand, he thinks I am God."

Signs for Fun

Joke Time

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words , Yellow, Pink, and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Manager, I am ready."

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a support technician at a call center for computer problems.

No doubt you have spoken to him

Fun Images

Only in India would they feed the rats... They take reincarnation very seriously.

When you're a kid, toys are everywhere...
Nap time for these pals...
And sometimes the prey comes looking for you....
I think somebody kicked this guy in the ice hole.

Humor Time

Kids and Murphy's law

The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.

For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.

Toys multiply to fill any space available.

The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.

Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.

If the shoe fits ... it will be expensive.

The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.

The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.

Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.

The more challenging the child, the more rewarding it is to be a parent ... sometimes.

Video
Laundry Room Girl
Rated PG-13

Video - Cat Sounds

(click the image below to link to a funny video)

Joke Time

An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to Marriott-Smalley, the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, Marriott-Smalley went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw Marriott-Smalley lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, bwana? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" the hunter howled. "Which of you morons let the bull loose?"

Cartoon Time

Joke Time

Dan got a frantic call from his blond girlfriend. "I've got a problem," she said.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?"

"A big rooster."

"All right," Dan said. "I'll come over and have a look."

The woman led Dan into her kitchen and showed him the puzzle on the table. "For Pete's sake, Buffy," he exclaimed after he saw it. "Put the cornflakes back in the box."

Fun Signs

Video - Animal Clips

(click the image below for some funny animal clips)

Humor Time

From Cory Doctorow and the Boinb Boing web site:

Wired Magazine solicited six-word-long science fiction stories from a bunch of writers -- some of my favorite results are below:

Epitaph: Foolish humans, never escaped Earth. - Vernor Vinge

Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer? - Eileen Gunn

It cost too much, staying human. - Bruce Sterling

We kissed. She melted. Mop please! - James Patrick Kelly

His penis snapped off; he’s pregnant! - Rudy Rucker

Internet “wakes up?” Ridicu - no carrier. - Charles Stross

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time - Alan Moore

Longed for him. Got him. Shit. - Margaret Atwood

Batman Sues Batsignal: Demands Trademark Royalties. - Cory Doctorow

Help! Trapped in a text adventure! - Marc Laidlaw

Bush told the truth. Hell froze. - William Gibson

Fun Images

These two look like pals - but there's always room for a little competition between friends. Who will get through the doggie-door first?

Some pillows just work out better than others.

Sometimes it's just great to be oblivious in life.
We all need a friend to lean on when times get scary.

Joke Time

Fire!

During a recent ecumenical gathering, one of the attendees suddenly saw smoke rising from the trash can. "Fire!" he screamed.

The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.

The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"

The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.

The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.

The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.

The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.

The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"

The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"

The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.

The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.

The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.

And the atheist hotel manager walked in, grabbed the fire extinguisher off the wall, and put the fire out.

Funny Signs

Joke Time

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

Cartoon Time

Humor

A quiz on the good old days - for boomers.

This is a test for us, the older kids! The answers are printed below, but don't you cheat.

READY????? Here we go!

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?____________

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The __________________ Show.

03. "Get your kicks, ___________________."

04. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed _____________."

05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."

07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best _______________."

08. Satchmo was America's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________

10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "_______________".

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War! did so by burning their____________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died." This was a tribute to ___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________! ________

Scroll Down


ANSWERS:

01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route! 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion sleeps tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader, and "Good Night, and may God Bless."
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop

Video Link

Everything is going wrong at the factory - here's why! (Click the image below to watch the video.)