Thursday, September 13, 2007
Paretns Of Miss Teen South Carolina
The parents of the great orator watch on as their daughter makes them proud.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Thoughts From My Near-Sleep Experience
Ramblings of a Retired Mind
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor !"
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their picture s on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Hatchet Man
The Chairman of the Board, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO known as a hatchet man. The new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers, and make a real impression on his first day.
The Chairman takes him on a tour of the facilities, and the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business.
The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $500 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $500 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now get out and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"
Finally one of the workers raises his hand.
"Yeah?" the CEO demands.
"Pizza delivery man, sir."
The Chairman takes him on a tour of the facilities, and the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business.
The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $500 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $500 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now get out and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"
Finally one of the workers raises his hand.
"Yeah?" the CEO demands.
"Pizza delivery man, sir."
YMCA
This guy must be a wedding singer - or a karaoke bar singer - this is a very strange, funny, Korean version of the song, "YMCA."
Three Stupid Guys
Some folks are so stupid that it's better that they never live to breed. Don't you love it when the kid on the camera asks, "Are you guys okay?"
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Dear Abby Humor
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
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