Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Dressing Your Age
SENIOR DRESS CODE
Many of us ' Old Folks' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Mini skirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And last , but not least
13. Thongs and Depends
Tree Chewing Machine
This machine is incredible - it cuts down a tree, strips the branches, strips the bark, then saws the tree into pre-determined lengths. Amazing.
Animals and People
Ow! Here's a couple of guys that will be hurting tomorrow morning as they get gored by a bull.
And this guy looks like he's tending to a sick, juvenile elephant.
A baby, finger monkey.
Another little handheld animal.
Picking up loose trash in the park - including a dachshund.
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
And this guy looks like he's tending to a sick, juvenile elephant.
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
A baby, finger monkey.
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
Another little handheld animal.
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
Picking up loose trash in the park - including a dachshund.
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
Friday, May 22, 2009
A New Golfer's Handbook
The following is reported to be the chapters to a new golf book. Someone obviously has been watching me play, and I'm going to demand my share of the royalties..........by gum!
Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the tee.
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank.
Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger.
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.
Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round.
Chapter 10 - When Does A Divot become classified as Sod.
Chapter 11 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.
Chapter 12 - Why your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th.
Chapter 13 - Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.
Chapter 14 - When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.
Chapter 15 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee.
Chapter 16 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.
Chapter 17 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.
Chapter 18 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever.
Chapter 19- Throwing Your Club s: An Effective stress-Reduction Technique.
Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?
Chapter 21 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl
and Give her a $3 Tip, but will balk at $4.50 at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.
Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the tee.
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank.
Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger.
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.
Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round.
Chapter 10 - When Does A Divot become classified as Sod.
Chapter 11 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.
Chapter 12 - Why your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th.
Chapter 13 - Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.
Chapter 14 - When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.
Chapter 15 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee.
Chapter 16 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.
Chapter 17 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.
Chapter 18 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever.
Chapter 19- Throwing Your Club s: An Effective stress-Reduction Technique.
Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?
Chapter 21 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl
and Give her a $3 Tip, but will balk at $4.50 at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.
Super Bowl Ads
Gawker posted some You Tube links for this past January's Super Bowl Ads. I won't repeat them all here, but below is one for you. Click on the link above to see the rest.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Get It While You Can
The Yankees built that new stadium which just opened this year and the word is that their ticket prices are so high that turnout is very poor. I know they've slashed prices once already, but perhaps they're still out of their minds. The following is from the J-Walk blog...
Option 1: Two tickets to Tuesday night, June 30, Mariners at Yanks, cost
for just the tickets, $5,000.
Option 2: Two round-trip airline tickets to Seattle, Friday, Aug. 14, return Sunday the 16th, rental car for three days, two-night double occupancy stay in four-star hotel, two top tickets to both the Saturday and Sunday Yanks-Mariners games, two best-restaurant-in-town dinners for two. Total cost, $2,800. Plus-frequent flyer miles.
(via Kottke.org)
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Not For The Faint Of Heart
This video is a clip from one of those silly, sophomoric r-rated movies that appeal to the kids these days. Lots of fart and pooping sounds. Don't watch it if you're not into that stuff. It's funny if you are into it...
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Pretty Chicks
No, I'm not being sexist...
And do you suppose someone died all those chicks differnt colors - or is it 'shopped?
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Monday, May 04, 2009
Jokiing Around
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalog.
How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We'll just declare darkness the new standard.
What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
I am ewe.
Out of a catalog.
How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We'll just declare darkness the new standard.
What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
I am ewe.
What Obama's Stimulus Money Could Buy
I'll get you started with this post, then you'll need to click on the link to jump to the Boston Globe's website (click here) to see the rest...
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
Friday, May 01, 2009
Another Slide Show
This slide show explores the cosmos - and explains a bit about powers of ten. Not my creation, but very well done.
Fantastic Trip
View more presentations from Zippy231.
Lovin' The Kids
Why do we love children?
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| From Chuck's Fun Page 2 |
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?' 'Yes, I answered and continued
writing the report. 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well,
then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please
tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back
there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into
the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just
wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write,
and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's
Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.
Another Online Tetris Game
Here's a link to another online Tetris like game with sound effects and colorful graphics. Connect three like pieces to take them off the board. Click the link below to jump to the website.
Sirtet
Magic Drives Me Nuts
I know there's a logical explanation and I can't see how much of it is done. This magician is going to do ten illusions working under the clock. Amazing stuff.
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